


Small Indiscretions (Can Save the World)

by LadyDarkPhoenix (Phoenixfire)



Series: The Truth About Tony [1]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Peggy Carter, Discussion of Abortion, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 10:05:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16282568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenixfire/pseuds/LadyDarkPhoenix
Summary: Captain Steve Rogers has defeated the Red Skull but lost his own life in the process, leaving behind a grieving Peggy and guilt-ridden Howard Stark. After looking to Howard for comfort following her great loss, Peggy finds herself facing the scariest mission she’s ever encountered: motherhood.While this news is devastatingly unwanted for Peggy, Howard sees this as a golden opportunity to give his bride Maria the child she never thought she could have. With a little convincing and promises that she won’t have to be involved with the child’s life if she doesn’t want to be, Peggy agrees to keep and have the baby for the Starks, own personal comfort be damned. She wasn't planning on it being so hard, or finding someone she didn't want to lie to along the way.  AKA what if Peggy Carter was more than just Tony Stark’s badass aunt?





	1. Chapter 1

Peggy looked at the doctor in shock as she took a shaky breath in and thanked him before gathering her things and leaving. She always knew that this would be a possible outcome of her daliences, but nothing prepared her for actually hearing the news. Pregnant, that was the reason for her recent ill feelings. Another life growing inside her body where it shouldn't be, a life that shouldn't exist because of the circumstances of its conception and the simple fact she didn't want it. She couldn't have a child now, she'd just gotten things going smoothly at work, her private life was as good as she could expect it to be with the friends she had and the enemies knocking at the door were down to a minimum. This wasn't part of her plans, not now.

 

She had at one point in her life wanted a husband and family; had been engaged to a lovely (if slightly more traditional) man back in the early days of the war, before the death of Michael. Michael, with his unending belief in Peggy's ability to change the world with her sheer determination and ability that started her on the path of espionage that got her to where she was now instead of staying in England and forcing herself to be the perfect wife and mother she could never be. It was also this path that had led to Howard Stark and the predicament she now found herself in.

 

It had started innocently enough. They'd met time and time again, her assignment with the Special Operations Executive had Peggy working closely with the infamous genius before she joined the Strategic Scientific Reserve where they became friends as the differences in their personalities complimented each other, bringing out the best in each. From there, after Steve's death, Peggy had turned to Howard for comfort and it became more than just talking about the man they'd loved and lost. They'd started down the path that led to this all those years ago with one act of weakness on her part that had gone on far too long, and now it seemed Howard had ruined her life instead of his.

 

After the war, Howard was invaluable as a friend, even if she had committed treason to clear his name; he had helped finance and found the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division she now proudly headed. The amount of women he seemed to enjoy aside from their occasional meetings appalled her, the closeness Peggy felt when they were moving in that timeless dance almost made her forget for awhile that he was full of vices that she deplored. It was because of him, though, that she'd been able to make more close friends in his butler and his wife. Edwin and Ana Jarvis had helped her more over the years since the fateful night Peggy had punched the man, thinking he was an enemy instead of a surprising ally. Peggy gave Edwin a chance at the adventures he craved after the war ended while Ana enjoyed finding practical solutions to the impracticalities that being a woman in a man's world brought when it came to being safe but stylish. Peggy did love the garter holster she'd been gifted by the woman in Los Angeles and made sure it was standard issue for all female agents when she'd gotten into the position to do so.

 

That friendship was about to be tested now though as Peggy walked out of the office to meet Mister Jarvis at the car. When she had mentioned wanting to see why she felt a bit under the weather, he'd insisted on driving her.

 

“Well Miss Carter, what is your prognosis?” Jarvis inquired as he opened the door and helped her into the car, seeing her dazed look.

 

“Mister Jarvis, I think I have a problem. I need to see Mister Stark; you and your wife should be present as well. I only want to say this once,” Peggy stated, keeping her emotions under control as the car started moving, though inside she wanted to scream at what was happening.

 

There were ways to fix this, maybe not legally, but they existed. The only problem was it wasn't just her involved in the creation of the thing inside her. As much as it pained her, Howard deserved to know what had happened, even though he had finally found a woman who'd have him for a husband and was preparing for his wedding in a month to a wonderful lady named Maria. This was his mistake as well. 

She knew that she could just slip away, find a discreet doctor to get rid of it and never tell anyone, but something inside her found that unfair to make that decision alone. Yes, she was the one carrying the thing, but it took two of them to create it. Peggy didn't think she could live with herself if she didn't tell him about it. He could probably get a better doctor anyway. This was likely not the first time it had happened and with the distinct lack of women coming forward with claims of Stark heirs, Howard would know a better course of action.

Jarvis pulled the car into the Los Angeles mansion's drive, Bernard still running free amongst the grounds after everyone had given up trying to contain him. Peggy accepted the hand out of the car graciously, nerves starting to present themselves the closer she got to the door and the people within. It wasn't often that she did not have a handle on a situation, but there was a nagging feeling that this news would be something that would change everyone's lives somehow; she just wasn't sure if it would be for the better or the worst.

They entered the house, the man going to find his wife first, not wanting to leave Peggy alone with the peculiar way she was acting. Peggy just walked around the foyer, acting like she was admiring the various artworks on the walls as she contemplated what was going to become of her life. The cheery voice of Ana broke her out of the dark spiraling thoughts taking over her mind. There were too many variables to consider and not enough time to think them through. Peggy accepted the inevitable hug from the other woman as Ana took her arm to follow her husband to another room.

 

Jarvis arranged for them all to gather in the library, bringing tea for Peggy to help calm the nerves he saw in her on the ride to the house. She might be able to fool other people, but to him she was almost an open book after all the years they'd known each other. 

Ana sat with her on a couch and poured the tea as Jarvis went to drag Howard out of his lab, where apparently he'd been working on some new invention and hadn't left for anything except coffee or booze in a few days. The seamstress talked about new ideas she had for Peggy and the other female agents, more to fill the silence than actually expecting a conversation. Peggy just muttered polite responses as her heart started racing at the thought of what she was about to reveal. This could either go very well and be dealt with easily, which was what she secretly hoped for or it could go in a direction she didn't want to consider. The other outcomes were ones Peggy refused to think about. She would not be a single mother, even if she knew Howard would take care of her if that was what she wanted, and there was no way she'd suffer through a pregnancy just to give the child to strangers considering who the father was. No, her mind was made up, getting rid of the thing was the only logical option. It would save her career and prevent anyone from using any ties to Howard and his money for blackmail purposes.

"What's with the interruption? I was so close to getting it this time," Howard's annoyed voice came echoing through the hall as the men approached.

"Mister Stark, Director Carter requires an audience with you over a matter of some urgency. She's requested your presence specifically, you are the only one capable of assisting her in this endeavor," Jarvis explained as he herded the disheveled man into the room.

"He has no sense that man," Ana whispered to Peggy, placing a calming hand on her knee as her husband got the man seated and a drink to occupy his hands.

"So, Pegs, what's this problem you have?" Howard asked as he sipped his morning cocktail.

Peggy looked around at her friends before taking a deep breath. "Howard, we've got a small problem. Our dalliances have produced fruit and I thought you might have resources to help take care of the issue."

Howard looked at her blankly as Ana gasped, not realizing that her friend had been one of the women warming her husband's boss's bed. "You're pregnant?"

"Peg... That's..." He was at a loss for words, as she looked at him expectantly.

"Do you have someone that can take care of this or not?" Peggy demanded, taking his lack of words as Howard thinking she was going to keep it.

"Take care? What are you talking about? This is great news!" Howard jumped up from his seat to pace around. "She'll have to be told of course, solves that problem at least, and it's you so we won't have to buy off silence. This could work, we have everything to pull this off if everyone plays ball..."

Peggy looked at him. "Howard, what are you going on about? I'm not having the thing!" 

He stopped in his tracks, eyes wide with panic. "Don't say that, Pegs, please. Maria won't mind, I can promise you that. Though you two should probably meet to make it easier to understand," he muttered before going to kneel in front of her. "Please talk to her before you make up your mind. It would mean the world to me, to her too. Please, Peg, I wouldn't ask but this is important."

"Howard, I really don't want to have a child. This is not what I want, why do you seem so desperate to make me?" she asked, looking at him bewildered. This wasn't what she had been expecting as a reaction, more that he would agree with her and that would be that. His pleading was so out of character, it made her worry for his sanity.

"Please say you'll talk to Maria before doing anything," he asked again. "This would be beyond our dreams. Make her so happy too, please, Peg, just talk to her."

The Jarvis' were silent as they watched events unfold. They knew the secret Howard was carrying when it came to his bride to be. He never gave much thought to children so it wasn't that big of a deal breaker for him considering it was more a matter of convenience for the pair of them than actual love as the reason for their union, but Maria had mentioned wanting children so this would be the easiest option. Their shock came from the fact that she wanted to be rid of the child, knowing their own heartbreak over having the option stolen from them.

Peggy sighed, "Alright, Howard, I'll talk with your fiancée before doing anything. Though why you're making this so difficult I'll never know."

"Thank you, Peg. I think that after you hear what she has to say you'll understand why I'm not so keen to ship you off to the butcher straight off," Howard smiled as he stood. "You're free for lunch right? I'll call her, let her know to expect you, set something up. I'm sure we can come to some understanding on this."

She sighed and sipped at her tea as he scurried off to make the plans. Peggy wasn't too thrilled to be meeting the future Mrs. Stark like this, but she supposed it couldn't be helped now. She'd broken things off with Howard upon hearing of his engagement in the society pages of all things, but not apparently before he could do one last thing to ruin her. 

"You okay there?" Ana asked, brow furrowed. "You seem to be off in the clouds. You're really with child?"

Peggy looked at the usually friendly and open woman who was looking at her with such worry as her husband walked up behind her to place a hand on her shoulder. "Ana, I can't. It would not be fair to anyone let alone any other life that gets no choice but to be mixed in with what I do, with what Howard does. It's too dangerous, you of all people know that," She looked at them with a small shake of her head. "I wouldn't be a good mother anyways. Never really had the desire to have that kind of life."

"Miss Carter," Jarvis spoke quietly, "I think you should give yourself more credit. You would make a wonderful mother if you put your mind to it. It is already a fact that you have the child inside of you, so why not give it a chance? You think Mister Stark has had this happen before, but unfortunately that is not the case. He's been extremely lucky in that regard. But as far as the first happy accident, I'm almost relieved it's you.”

 

"Edwin, I can't. It's too dangerous and I cannot afford to put my life and career on hold for nothing."

"It's not nothing, it's a wee life inside you. You can't deny that, but I do see your point my dear," Ana spoke up, wanting to make her feelings known but also able to see the point Peggy was making. It would ruin her career and reputation if the truth got out about the situation. “But be glad the road is still one you have to travel, unlike some of us.”

 

"I know, I just can't. I can't, I don't want to, please don't make this harder than it has to be..." Peggy pleaded, becoming uncomfortable with the pair of them the longer they sat. It was her fault Ana couldn't have children. If she hadn't went off that night then the Jarvis’ might have already had one of their own.

 

“Miss Carter, this ultimately is your decision but I think with the way you prefer to work for the greater good, you might reconsider. There is a very good reason Mister Stark reacted the way he did, but that is between you and Miss Carbonell,” Jarvis said as he sat in a chair beside the women. “This is a hard choice I'm sure. But I'm glad you will consider this.”

 

“Greater good?” Peggy looked at him incredulously. “How is destroying my life going to work for the greater good?”

 

Ana sipped her tea. “You might be surprised by what you find. There are many ways that women can help each other that men wouldn’t understand. Mister Stark is selfish, probably just wanting his name carried on now he knows he can, but he's not the only one invested in this. It would be for Miss Carbonell mostly, her dream that she never thought would come true. That and it might do us all some good to have a babe in the house.”

 

Sighing, Peggy stayed quiet until Howard returned in a flurry of activity. 

 

“Well, Pegs, I have a reservation in a private room at a good place for you girls. Jarvis will drive you, he knows the place and Maria will meet you there. I am so happy right now,” he pulled her up into a hug. “I know you'll do the right thing. Stay here, you have some time. I'm going to go back into the lab but you, you should rest.”

 

“I'm not ill Howard…” There was a warning in her voice at the condescending tone he took with her.

 

“Mister Stark, I'm sure your experiments are impatiently waiting for your return,” Jarvis pointed out, seeing the woman was restraining herself from throttling the man.

Howard bustled out in a flurry of words, suddenly remembering that he was at a delicate part of whatever process he had been interrupted in but excited over Peggy's predicament. She sighed, already trying to figure out a way to sneak away and find a doctor on her own, damn everyone else.

"Why don't you come help me with a new design I have?" Ana suggested, feeling like her friend needed a distraction. "I have a few ideas in the works for you ladies and might be able to come up with some things for your personal collection as well."

Peggy gratefully accepted the invitation, Jarvis promising to retrieve her when it was time to leave. The women retired to Ana's workroom, losing themselves in the process of creation for a while. Peggy was pleasantly distracted and slightly saddened when she was summoned for her unwanted lunch date, but she had promised them she would at least talk to the woman so she allowed Edwin to escort her to the car and to her fate.

The drive was a silent affair, Peggy so caught up in trying to figure out what had happened in the short span of the morning that she neglected to chat like she usually did with the man in the driver's seat. Jarvis, to his credit, simply studied her in the mirror as they made their way to the meeting. He wasn't offended that she was ignoring his existence; he understood that she was currently in a tough situation and needed time to process everything that had been thrown at her. He had faith that the strong, brilliant woman would do the right thing, he just wasn't quite sure which option available to her was the correct course of action for all involved. 

“Here we are, ma'am,” Jarvis stated as he pulled into the valet area of one of the more high class eating establishments in the area to let her out.

Peggy shook herself out of the daze her thoughts had lulled her into, putting on her best battle face to hide the thrill of fear that had settled in her chest. “Thank you, Jarvis.”

“Mister Stark has made arrangements for a private table for you and Miss Carbonell, just give them his name and they will take good care of you.”

Peggy nodded as she allowed him to help her out of the car. Working with Dottie, knowing she was a trained Leviathan assassin, hadn't unnerved her as much as meeting this woman was right now. Something so simple as having lunch and a conversation with another woman over something that shouldn't be any of her business but somehow had become, thanks to Howard, made her feel as if she was going to be rendered helpless against her will.

After a brief conversation with the maitre’d, she was shown to a small alcove where a fashionable, dark haired woman was sitting, absently tracing patterns on the table cloth as she sipped a drink before spotting Peggy being led in. The woman stood to greet her, holding out a hand. “You must be the infamous Peggy I've heard so much about. I'm Howard's fiancée, Maria Carbonell. Thank you so much for agreeing to see me.”

Peggy shook Maria's hand, still unsure what this little charade was about. “Yes, it is always nice to put a face to the name after so long. I don't envy you a life with Howard, but as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.”

The other woman nodded as they took their seats. “Yes, well, happiness would be nice but that's not the only reason. History has proven that time and again but comfort and security are just as good as any I suppose. Please order what you want, we can have our chat after the food arrives.”

They were mostly quiet as they looked at the options, Maria's excitement and Peggy’s growing anxiety putting a heavy tension between them. After putting in their order, Maria met Peggy’s eyes.

“Howard told me a bit about your current situation. Most women would be livid to find that the man they were to marry had given another woman a child, and honestly I think if it had been anyone else that would have been the case,” Maria paused, “but you don't want Howard, romantically I mean. This arrangement between you was just purely physical, correct?”

Astonished at the open way Maria spoke to her, Peggy nodded. “Yes, we shared some experiences and it seemed to just happen. You are correct in saying I don't want Howard, but I'm confused as to why you're not angry about this?”

Their meals came, halting the conversation until the waiter left. “Howard and I came to an agreement. He needs me to look respectable and I could do so much worse than a man that has money but a penchant for straying. The only thing I want is to be a wife and mother. One of those sadly can never be, that's why when he called I agreed to meet you. I hoped we could come to an arrangement that would inconvenience you for nine months and would give me the child I want. I know it is a lot to ask of a woman in your position, but I can guarantee you that child you carry would be loved and cherished beyond measure. It's nothing Howard’s interested in but would look respectable enough he can't argue, but I can assure you it would be well taken care of. Please, Miss Carter, will you consider carrying the child for me? Consider what it may be capable of in the future with parents such as it has! Why, it might be just as strong and brilliant as the genes it comes from, it might just save the world someday.”

Taking a sip of her water, Peggy studied Maria. The woman was sincere in her plea, she truly did want a child. “You cannot have one of your own?”

Looking down at her plate, Maria shook her head. “There are some issues with my health. It's impossible for me to carry, too much damage. So my options are to adopt an orphan, which Howard would never go for with his pride, or something like this. Miss Carter, I would rather it be you than some common strumpet. You have integrity. We all make mistakes, Howard was yours, but please do not make another one. Don't end up like me, who had a chance to bring a life into the world but was too afraid of the consequences, because when you do want that life, the choice isn't yours anymore.”

“You mean?”

“I was young, thought I was in love, though he left me when I told him. My family couldn't stand the shame of an unwed teenage mother so they found someone to get rid of the problem. The doctor, if you could call him that, just ruined me. Thought he was teaching me a lesson, which I suppose he did in a way. I thought nobody would want me after that, until Howard came along.”

Peggy was at a loss for words. She had known that there were people that would do such things to women, but had never seen the effects so plainly. Maria nervously picked at her meal, waiting for some response from her. 

She considered the options. There was her original plan, but now that seemed that it might take away more than she might be willing to give. There was going through with the pregnancy, either keeping it and giving up her life, which wasn't an option she wanted to take, denying the request and putting it in an orphanage where it would more than likely be in danger, or she could go along, give it to its father where it would have a family, loving mother that wasn't her and she could keep an eye on it if she so chose. Peggy was almost positive that the option would be open to her between all the adults that would be involved. Edwin and Ana minimally would keep her updated. Could she hide her condition that long? Was she crazy for thinking it might actually work? There would have to be certain conditions of course, but were her skills good enough to pull off something this big?

“Okay…” 

The other woman’s head snapped up, eyes wide. “What did you say?”

“I'll do it. There will be some conditions and it won't be easy to hide, but if we all work together we might be able to pull off a coup.”

Peggy still was not sure about the situation, but there was enough innocent blood on her hands already. They would have to work out logistics with Howard. She knew there would have to be a leave of absence when she started showing, they would have to figure out something for that and someone would have to run S.H.I.E.L.D. in her absence. If they wanted to present the thing as legitimate the wedding would have to be rather soon and Maria would have to act like she was the one carrying. So many things to plan for it almost felt like she was planning for a deep cover mission, which she supposed it was going to be really.

Maria jumped up, coming around the table to gather Peggy into an excited hug. “Thank you, you have no idea how much this means to me!”

“Yes, well,” Peggy uncomfortably returned the embrace, “there is much to do so we should probably get started on things soon. Shall we go to Howard's and start figuring out how exactly we’re going to do this?”

“Of course, do you want to finish our meal first?” Maria let go and returned to her seat.

“I'm not actually that hungry, but by all means we can leave when you're ready. Jarvis is waiting with the car.”

Maria had signaled to the waiter, having him wrap the food to take with them since neither had eaten much, before paying and tipping handsomely with Howard's money.

“I can do this,” Peggy told herself as they left to plan for one of the biggest lies of her life.


	2. Chapter 2

The women had taken over Howard's study when they had returned. Maria, Ana, and Peggy were plotting the scheme while they left Howard to his science and Jarvis helped by keeping them in refreshments, only pointing out what he thought was necessary to be considered.

Much to Maria's disappointment, Peggy insisted on working until she was no longer able to hide her condition. She did concede that more strenuous field work would be unwise, so she would do as much deskwork as possible. Ana provided ideas on clothes that would help hide the expansion of her waist, looking excited at the prospect of designing new items to help.

By the time Howard managed to figure out what was happening, the women had just about every detail covered. They informed him that the wedding would continue as planned, Peggy's plan for dealing with work, and what they expected of him in all this. They left no room for him to argue.

“My my, you girls seem to be getting along rather well. I'm so glad things seem to be looking up since this morning,” Howard smiled as he put his arms around Maria and Peggy.

“Yes, well,” Peggy removed his hands from her shoulders, “I am still not too happy about this, but there are other considerations for me doing this.” She walked away, steadying herself with a deep breath. “Promise me one thing, nobody outside this room will ever know my part in this. I don't want word getting out, you're too well known and I cannot have my work jeopardized if anyone gets any suspicions.”

Maria looked at Howard, “You'll have your legal people handle things, won't you darling? Make sure we're all covered for taking the child and Peggy’s anonymity in all of this. It's the very least we can do for her.”

“Yes, of course. I'll get right on that, get something figured out,” he agreed, smiling as he pulled her closer, “I'll take good care of my girls.”

Going to one of the chairs, Peggy sat down to think. She still wasn't excited about the prospect of carrying the thing inside her to term, but she also did not want to deny her friend a chance at a family. Not when it seemed that she was the one he and his future wife wanted for this. It was all too much too fast, her head was swimming with everything that had happened since this morning. In a few short hours she'd gone from worrying about the next mission at work and what she wanted to do about the politics there to being an incubator for a millionaire’s child. Where was the consideration for her in all of this? Yes, she agreed to it but all the talk so far had been to get her concealed as quickly as possible until she could reemerge after everything like nothing had happened. In all her wildest dreams, she'd never thought there would be a day that she would find herself in a situation like this and she was an international spy that regularly found herself involved in very strange situations.

“Miss Carter?” Ana’s soft voice came through the fog in Peggy's mind. “Why don't you go take a lie down, refresh yourself before you get overwhelmed.”

“Yes,” Peggy nodded as she stood, “thank you. That sounds like a lovely idea.”

“Would you like Mister Jarvis to show you to your guest room or do you remember the way?”

“I think I can manage, thank you Ana,” Peggy quietly walked away from the still chattering group to the quiet of the sleeping quarters. 

When she arrived at her room, she ducked inside and locked the door behind her before slipping out of her dress. Walking over to the full length mirror on the wall she studied her body. There weren’t any signs of her condition yet, but she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that one day soon she would be round and heavy with a new life inside her. A life she couldn't wait to be rid of so she could continue her own. Yes, it sounded selfish, Peggy was very aware of the fact. This was just a favor to a very dear friend, she never had to see it if she chose, it never had to know the truth behind it's conception. Howard and Maria could play happy family, leaving her out of it. She ran her hand over her still flat stomach, wondering how long she could really hide before it became too obvious, how long until she regained her figure so no trace was left of her condition. 

At the very least, running the organization in which she worked was to her advantage, Phillips and Howard could manage for a few months without her to prevent the world from disaster. It would have been a different story if she would have still been in the S.S.R., it would have meant the end of her career and utter disgrace, but taking the opportunity to found S.H.I.E.L.D. made this unfortunate situation bearable. Peggy sighed as she tore herself away from studying her body, going over to the phone Howard insisted on having in every room to call Angie, her roommate and best friend. She had known Angie since she was with the SSR and working at the phone company was her cover, the other woman only knowing Peggy because she frequented the automat diner Angie worked at. She had used her acting skills to assist Peggy in escaping her S.S.R. coworkers in a botched attempt to assist Howard and Angie had realised Peggy wasn't just a phone operator which inspired to keep pursuing her now profitable acting career. She never questioned much as she just went with whatever happened, including moving into a little used townhouse of Howard's as a thank you after they had been evicted from the boarding house they had been living in because of him. Even though it had taken some favors from the man, Peggy had seen Angie's acting dreams slowly come true. Since then, she had been happy sharing her life with the strange woman. 

“Hello, Carter Martinelli residents” Angie's voice came over the line.

“Angie, it's Peggy. I just wanted to call and see how you were doing.” Peggy sighed with relief at the sound of her voice.

“Is everything okay? You sound stressed, I thought you were on a vacation.”

“Just had a little unexpected news today, but it's nothing. Tell me all about your day. Anything new happen at the theater?”

Angie went on to tell story after story about all the complications on the new production she had been cast in. Peggy listened, giving appropriate reactions as she felt some of her tension ease at the sound of Angie's voice. There was something about the woman that always put her at ease and made her feel safe.  
It was a while before she could bring herself to end the call, not really caring about the high phone bill she was causing for Howard. Peggy said her goodbyes before getting into bed, feeling a little better after the talk. Maybe when she woke, things would make more sense.

While Peggy rested, Ana and Edwin had taken their leave of the others as well, heading back to their apartment. Jarvis could see a mood on his wife's face as they set about making tea for themselves.

“Something on your mind, Mrs. Jarvis?” he inquired as she almost slammed the kettle on the stove to start the water.

Ana sighed as she turned the burner on before turning to face her husband. “Why them? Why do they get their dreams and not us? What makes them so deserving of such a gift?” She went to retrieve a glass from the cupboard before pulling out a bottle of whiskey, pouring herself a healthy amount before taking a deep drink to help steady herself. “Edwin, why not us? Why?”

Watching, he waited for her to stop moving before going to her, pulling her into his arms. “Ana, darling…” there were no words coming to him. After she had almost lost her life to the bullet, she'd been stoic about losing the ability to have children, just happy to be alive. That was before she was faced with the prospect of watching someone else have them. One of whom that couldn't even really care for himself.

Ana shook. “How is it he gets whatever he wants just by being Howard Stark, whether he deserves it or not and we do our best, live good lives and God does nothing but dangle our every dream in front of us but never gives us what we desire?”

Edwin sighed in relief, she was angry. Anger was easier to deal with than sad with her. Angry meant he might be able to help her cope, figure out something that would be easier to deal with.

“I love you, and I know after everything we wanted a little family. A child or two to love and raise. I don't regret what happened, but damn it, I cannot watch that ungrateful man keep getting everything while we get nothing,” she kept going, letting everything out.

“Ana, this could be a blessing in disguise,” he softly and calmly told her. “You know Mister Stark and his bride-to-be will have social obligations and other things to tend to and who do you think will be asked to help with the babe? My love, it may not be ours but we might still be able to help raise this one to be more than just a wealthy, entitled heir. Think about it dear, we can still help shape the future generation of Starks.”

Ana scoffed. “Yes, Stark. I'd rather it have been a little Jarvis. A piece of us, but that's not…” 

He held her tighter. “I know my love, I know. We can’t dwell on what could have been, just soldier on the best we can with what we've been given. We can try to help this child be better than its father, make it the kind of person we'd be glad to call one of our own.”

“If only it was one of our own,” her breath hitched, “I'm sorry husband. This isn't how I should be behaving but I'd give anything to be in Miss Carter's shoes and she just seems so callous about it all. I don't know if I can help as much as might be needed without throttling the woman.”

“Well,” he looked down at her as the kettle started whistling, “I think it would do her good to keep a bit of reality about her, but darling please don't be unnecessarily mean to her. I have a feeling this is going to be hard on all of us, minus Mister Stark. Now let's get things set up for our tea shall we?”

Ana stepped away from her husband, going to retrieve the teapot and other things as they continued their schedule of life that they had together, still stinging from her jealousy. She tried to convince herself she could do this, but wasn't quite sure how well she could hold to that as time went on.

While the others were nursing their fears and resentments, Maria was happily chatting away to Howard about the news. 

“I can't believe this is happening!” She happily exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I mean, I could have done without knowing about your real relationship with someone you claimed was just a good friend from the war, but as far as a nice, quiet way to seem respectable, it works out since none of us want the truth getting out.”

Howard shook his head. “I didn't mean for it to be this way, we were always so careful. I can't believe it happened. I mean, I never wanted this for her, for any of us,” he turned to look at his fiancee, “you're really happy about this? We're asking her to give up her life for our happiness, Maria, can we really expect her to be glad for the experience?”

“She made her bed with you in this, are you really saying you'd rather give her what she wants and get rid of your first child?”

He put his hands on her shoulders. “No, my dear, of course not. But pinning your happiness on poor Peggy just doesn't seem fair either. There is still so much that could go wrong. I wouldn't go counting chickens before they hatch, it still might not happen.”

Maria pouted. “Howard, now you’re just being mean.”

“No, just realistic. There's so many complications that could happen that even I can't predict. I mean I can have the boys start looking into developing some things that would help incase extreme circumstances happen but it also depends on her ability to carry it. I don't want to sacrifice her for this after all she's already done for me over the years. Honey, I can't ask her to give her life for this and if it comes to it I'll do everything I can to save them both but unless she says otherwise I'm putting her life first.”

Maria stepped back, crossing her arms as she chastised him. “You're not being very fair, Peggy made her choices. You would really kill your child to save someone that's already lived a life fuller than most?”

Sighing, he turned away from her. As much as he didn't want to admit it Maria made sense. He didn't want to lose Peggy but if it came down to it, could he make the right choice? Howard had never given much thought to being a father before today; it wasn't anything he considered important to his life as it was, but now that he had a chance to run through a few scenarios just off the top of his head, he found himself slightly terrified of the prospect.

“Don't make me choose Maria, you might not like what I have to say,” he vaguely threatened, not liking the trapped feeling taking over him.

“What, are you going to say if the worst happens you're going to be a coward and do nothing?” She challenged.

There was a dark flash in his eyes. “I'm saying it's still early and as much as we need each other I can still leave you if you press the issue.”

Maria backed away, as much as they fought before he never threatened to leave her before. “H-Howard…”

“God damn it,” he slammed his hand down on the table, not sure if he was angry at her or himself, “I'm going to the lab, don't disturb me.” 

With that, Howard stormed out leaving Maria stunned at his outburst and hoping it wasn't a prediction of things to come. She knew for all his projected confidence and devil may care attitude, he was still afraid of going back to his poor life before he made his money and that good people were hard to find in his position. Many just wanted his inventions, or to be able to say they were friends with the rich genius simply for the status it brought, but Peggy, from what she'd seen, was different. The woman seemed to enjoy taking Howard down a peg or two from his high opinion of himself and aside from their past physical relationship, didn't seem too interested in pursuing a place as Mrs. Stark. If circumstances had been different, Maria mused, she might have enjoyed Peggy's company, but with things the way they were, she wasn't sure the other woman would be too keen on hanging around with them on a purely social basis. The way the other woman was already reacting to the situation made it seem that after everything was said and done, unnecessary social interaction where she might have to see her child might be unwelcome.

Shaking herself out of the depressing train of thought Maria decided she was going to go out, maybe a little time away to let everyone breathe would be for the best. She quickly scrawled a note explaining what she was doing before retrieving her handbag. They could get through this, all of them, and everyone would see that what they were doing was the best thing for everyone involved in the end.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun was just beginning to set when Peggy was woken by a knocking at her door. Startled, it took her a moment to remember where she was and why she asleep in her underclothes. 

“Just a moment,” she called, going to the wardrobe to retrieve a dressing gown to cover herself before opening the door to reveal Ana looking a bit pinched about the face. “Mrs. Jarvis,” she said confused, “what can I do for you?”

“Was wondering if you'd like to join Mister Jarvis and I for supper,” the woman asked, looking Peggy over, a strained tone in her voice.

“Oh, I…” Peggy wasn't quite sure how to interpret her friend's strange behavior, but she was sure it would make sense with time. “That would be lovely, thank you. I am not sure I could handle eating with Howard right now. Is everything alright?”

Ana didn't answer the question, instead going to the wardrobe to pick out a dress to busy herself. Peggy watched, seeing how much control she was showing in her every movement as she sorted through the clothing. There was so much pent up energy in the woman that she was practically vibrating with it. Something was wrong, if the slight violence the redhead was showing the garments was any indication.

“Ana, please talk to me,” Peggy finally requested as she went to her, taking the most recently yanked hanger from her hand before leading her to sit on the bed with her. “If there's anything wrong please let me help you. You are a dear friend, I don't like seeing you like this.”

“I'm fine Miss Carter, nothing someone like you should notice,” Ana snapped.

Peggy winced at the words, wondering where the sharpness from the other woman was coming from. “Ana, please…”

Ana looked defeated. “We were injured together, remember? I shouldn't have lived but managed, you got lucky and there were no consequences for you. All I wanted after meeting Edwin during the war was to be with him, start a little family and now I am watching you with no maternal desires throwing away what I always wanted. I want to be mad, I want to scream but that won't change things now will it? I get to watch while people that don't deserve it have the perfect life while I have to settle for what I've been given after fighting for so long,” she took a deep breath, some of the tension leaving her. “I'm sorry Miss Carter. I shouldn't be taking this out on you of all people. You are making a hard and selfless choice. I just wish I was able to be in the position to have to make such a choice.”

Peggy was speechless, she hadn't forgotten the fact that in helping her save the world, the other woman's ability to have children had been taken away. “I… I'm sorry, I didn't think…”

Ana sniffled back tears that were threatening to fall. “No, I'm being silly. Think nothing of it. You can't help what happened anymore than I can. I can see why you would want to give the child up, doesn't mean I have to agree with it. You do what you think is best.”

“Mrs. Jarvis… Ana, I'm sorry, not that it makes up for anything,” Peggy bit her lip before turning away. “This is not how I saw my life turning out either. After Steve, I just wanted to fight the good fight you know. I seem to be destined to hurt the people I love, no matter what I try to do. My mistakes always destroy everyone else. I know no apology will make up for what I've done to everyone, to you and your husband, but I…”

Ana cut her off, pulling Peggy into a hug as they both let tears fall. “Oh Miss Carter, we both are having a hard go of it,” she sniffled through the words, “I still don't blame you for what happened and with this, well you could have found a better partner than Mister Stark. But what’s done is done and now we look a right fright,” she pulled back, revealing running makeup on her face. “Let's get cleaned up and go see what Mister Jarvis has prepared us for supper.”

Peggy nodded. “Thank you.”

Ana just let her mouth twitch into what could have been considered a quick smile before helping Peggy dress and fix her hair. They both redid their makeup, finally taking each others arm to walk to the Jarvis’ apartment. She was still hurt by what was happening, but Ana knew she couldn't change what was going on, so she resolved to try to keep a positive attitude no matter how much it pained her to do so. 

Dinner was a quiet affair with overly pleasant talk from the kind man that tried to keep the mood of his wife and friend up with little jokes and stories. The women tried, but after the day they were too tired to put much effort into it. Edwin just kept on on his own, knowing both women well enough that if he let them fall into silence, it wouldn't be any good for either of them.

After dessert and coffee, Peggy felt a little better from the company. “Thank you both, I think I shall retire now. I'm heading back to New York in a couple days but I’ll see you soon.”

“Yes, I don't know when we'll be back east,” Edwin replied, “but minimally we will be here in a few months when you come to take up residence so you won't be alone.”

“Yes, even if Mister Stark cannot be without Mister Jarvis, I will stay with you,” Ana added, “and I'm sure Miss Carbonell will be around too so you won't be lonely.”

“Yes…” Peggy felt herself tense at the mention of her upcoming forced hiding. “Well, good night to both of you.”

They saw her to the door before settling down to their normal routine of the night, their thoughts straying to the situation at hand as they sat together in silence before bed, neither of them were prepared yet for what was to come.

The next couple days before Peggy’s departure found the spy trying to avoid her host and his fiancee as all it seemed they wanted to talk about was their excitement over the upcoming child. She just wanted to try and ignore the fact she was pregnant until she had no choice but to admit defeat. Peggy breathed a sigh of relief as Jarvis saw her off at the airport, glad to be away from the hovering people for a while. She needed a bit of peace and quiet before her world fell apart with the breaking reality of what she had committed to.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day back at the office, Peggy looked through case files, trying to find something to use for her cover before she had to resort to making a false one to hide her disappearance. There weren’t many options in the thin pile that would cover the amount of time she'd need to be gone for. She wanted her time away to be believable, but not to actually involve having to work as she could only imagine the amount of protests that particular option would incite from the others. The only other options would be to take some of her vacation time, raising more questions than she wanted, or to have Howard produce a false lead on his continuing search for Steve. Although she hated to use his memory to cover her mistake, it seemed like the best option under the circumstances. 

Peggy had thought she'd finally let go of her feelings towards Steve after the whole incident with clearing Howard's name, but her failed attempts at relationships as she continued to find comfort in Howard's arms made her realise that after loving such a great and good man such as Steve Rogers that no man would ever take his place. She'd resigned herself to always being alone, married to the job as it were to keep up the good fight in his memory. 

With a sigh, Peggy noticed the time, she was due at a mission briefing in a few minutes. It was rumored to be just a little in and out diplomatic negotiation with some leader of a fringe organization or a routine thing like that for someone like her. She put the files away, not worried about being able to handle it as long as she kept her head on the mission and didn't let the thing growing inside distract her. Situations like this was what she lived for: the thrill of danger, the excitement of the unknown. It was what her brother had seen in her since they were children playing in the garden, what led him to introducing her to the life she now had and didn't want to give up for the world. Peggy gathered her usual resolve around herself like a comfortable cloak; there was too much to be done and not much time for her to do it in before she had no choice but to let the thing take over her until she could leave it behind her for good. Peggy left for the briefing ready to forget about her situation for a while and just be herself doing what she loved.  
\-------------------------------------------------

Peggy returned to headquarters, heading to her office after debriefing with a tired sigh. The mission had started off simply enough, the negotiations going smoothly until someone had gotten it into their heads that trying to shoot everyone involved in the gathering was a good idea. She handled herself well as always, even got a few of the key players out alive with her, but many good men hadn't returned. All she wanted right now was to stash her gear and head home so she could take a nice hot bath and relax, but what she got was an agitated Howard waiting for her when she walked in her office door.

“What the hell, Pegs?” He all but shouted as she shut the door behind her. “You call that being careful? Do you realize what could have happened?”

Not in the mood to deal with him at the moment, Peggy gave him one of her patented stern looks, “Howard, I appreciate the concern but things don't always go according to plan. I got out fine, no harm done.”

“This time it's not just you I'm worried about. You put my child in danger too!”

“I just spent three weeks in a horrid, hot jungle trying to survive until extraction and this is what I am greeted with?” She slammed her gear down on her desk, “I know what I'm doing! This favor for you doesn't change who and what I am!”

“Damn it, Peg, it should!” he retorted. “It's not just your life you're putting on the line out there. You need to think of someone besides yourself now,” Howard stepped closer to her. “I know it's not what you want to hear but I think you should be benched until further notice.”

Peggy gave him an incredulous look as she scoffed. “You want me to stop doing my job, leave my life, until I'm ready to pop out your little bastard, is that it?”

“Now that's not what I…”

“Howard,” she cut him off, “I appreciate your lack of concern for MY well being and will take your advice under consideration. Now if you will excuse me, I'm tired and would like to go home.” Peggy left her bag on her desk, not bothering to put anything away as she stormed out of her office. She was livid with Howard's outburst as she made her way home. How dare he think she wouldn't be careful with her life. How dare he try to tell her what she should do. Peggy was painfully aware her field work would have to end, it was part of the reality of what she had agreed to, but it should be her making the decision not him. It was in this dark mood she walked into the door of the house she shared with her roommate.

“Hey English!” Angie greeted her cheerfully before noticing the dark cloud over her friend's head. “Uh oh, what's wrong? You're usually more chipper after coming back from a work trip.”

Cursing the actress’ uncanny ability to read her, Peggy let out a sigh as she slipped off her shoes. She hadn't confided in her friend what was going on, hoping to avoid the awkward questions that were sure to follow, not to mention any other judgements on her character. “Just had a run in with a coworker before I left. You know how it is.”

“One of the boys not playing nice again?” Angie followed her to continue the conversation as Peggy went towards her bedroom.

“Something like that,” Peggy nodded, not wanting to get into details.

“Well English, I know you can put them in their place. I've seen you do it before, besides you're the boss ain't you? Just threaten them a bit and put the fear of God into them like you're good at.”

Peggy had to smile at Angie’s confidence; “I'm not quite sure it will work with the man in question but I will try. But for now I think taking up residence in the lovely bath and soaking away my problems for the moment will help.”

Angie nodded. “Alright, I'll put something on for supper and let you relax. Take your time, sounds like you need it,” she pulled Peggy into a hug. “Good to have you back, English. We'll catch up more during dinner. I've got a fellow to tell you about that's been hanging around the theater,” she let her go before leaving Peggy with a wink.

Sighing, Peggy gathered things for her bath. It was hard not to confide in the kind woman, but since she wasn't going to keep the thing it wasn't worth it to worry her. Angie knew enough about these situations working in show business; she'd told enough stories about the girls with no talent who had tried sleeping their way to the top only to find themselves in Peggy's predicament that Peggy was sure if she changed her mind then Angie could get the information for her that Howard couldn't. It was still on her mind, though she had promised the thing to Howard and his future wife.

As she slipped into the tub full of fragrant bubbles, Peggy noticed her stomach looked rounder already. She knew eventually her body would show what was going on inside, but it felt too soon. She'd been ignoring the slightly tight feeling in the waist of her clothing and the slight soreness in her breasts, not really wanting to believe she was going through with this. She wanted to deny that anything was happening to her, that this situation she found herself in was just a bad dream but the changes were too much. She'd thought she could go through with this, that it would be alright and that this would be the last favor she'd do for Howard Stark, but the undeniable changes in her body broke the illusion that this would be easy.

Logically, Peggy knew that she was as much at fault for her situation as Howard. It took two to tango as the saying went, but she seethed in anger at how he was able to continue his life unchanged as she was looking at months of hiding to save face for their actions. Even if the truth got out about the situation, he'd more than likely end up looking like a hero for conquering her while she would be disgraced beyond measure for giving into his physical comfort. The double standard wasn't fair; she should be able to bed someone without worrying if she would still be able to do her job the next day without being shamed for doing the same as most of the men seemed to be doing, if half the talk around the office was true.

Staying in the bath until the water went cold, Peggy found herself angrier than when she got in, Giving up on relaxing, she slipped into her favorite pajamas and dressing gown before going down to see what Angie was up to, knowing the other woman didn't care about proper etiquette in the privacy of their own home. True to her word, she found her roommate in the kitchen stirring something in a pot.

“It smells delicious, what is it?” 

Angie looked over her shoulder. “Just reheating some stew I made the other day. Nothing special, just thought you might appreciate something home cooked after a long trip. You have a good bath?”

Peggy smiled at the thoughtfulness of the other woman. “Too much on my mind I'm afraid.”

“Too bad. Take a load off and I'll bring it out so we can catch up. I've got this covered,” Angie shooed her out to the dining room.

Peggy sat, a smile on her lips at the normalcy of coming home and finding nothing changed, of knowing that Angie would be here when she came back until the day the actress finally found a husband, but at their age that was looking quite unlikely. She had to bite her lip at the thought of not having her in her life, but Peggy always knew this was a temporary thing, a convenience for them both, nothing more. Though they had shared a house for over ten years, it was more because the right men hadn't come along, wasn't it? Peggy had her flings and romances and Angie always had stories of men she dated or had turned her head, so imagining the two of them being domestic forever was just a silly fantasy.

“Here we go,” Angie interrupted her thoughts as she carried a tray in, “dinner’s served.”

Peggy's mouth watered as a plate of stew with a piece of slightly hard bread was set in front of her. “Thank you so much Angie, you really didn't have to do all this.”

The brunette blushed as she brushed a stray hair from Peggy's face. “You came home safe, I wanted to make you something special. When you were late I got worried and you know I cook when I worry.”

“When you're not watching your weight for a role,” Peggy countered, “but thank you, I know you worry.”

Angie settled into a seat on the other side of the table. “So what's got you in such a state?”

Pausing to gather her thoughts, Peggy decided to see what Angie had to say about what she was going through without directly incriminating herself. “There is a girl at work who's had an affair with a married man in the office. She's found herself pregnant and told the father she wanted to be rid of it but he wants her to keep it. I guess his wife cannot have children so he wants to take it from her, even though it would mean putting her through hell. She's agreed but is having second thoughts because she doesn't want to be a mother. I guess she wants to do what's right, but also has no desire to give up her identity and freedom to do so.”

Angie was quiet as she digested the story. “So she doesn't want the kid but the guy does.”

“Yes.”

“That's tough. I mean, I don't agree with affairs but there is a life here that didn't ask to be tangled up in this. That kid had no choice in the situation but will ultimately be the one to suffer anyway it goes. But the parents know their situation; if neither of them can take care of it then maybe it would be a kindness. There's too much to consider in these kinds of situations,” Angie paused to study Peggy's face, seeing the faint tells of stress written on it. “But ultimately it's up to her to choose what she wants to do.”

“Of course,” Peggy agreed biting her lower lip.

“Enough of that talk, let me tell you what's been going on since you left…”

Peggy felt better as she ate and listened to Angie's tales of life in the theater. She was still stressed by what was going on with her life, but the other woman always had a way of making her feel better despite herself. She'd miss this the most when the time came for her to leave. Even though they came from such different worlds, Peggy always found comfort in the knowledge that after everything, she still had Angie waiting at home, even if she would never admit to anyone how she felt. Times might be changing, but it was still dangerous to even think that way.


	5. Chapter 5

Three weeks prior-

Howard rushed to the conference room as soon as he'd heard the news of the negotiations going south. “What's the situation?”

An agent looked up at the unexpected arrival of his boss. “From the reports we've received so far, it looks like members of the opposition infiltrated the negotiations and tried to kill everyone involved. We haven't been able to establish contact with anyone to confirm if anyone's made it out aside from Agent Dawson.”

Howard swore, that meant Peggy was either dead or in hiding. “No trackers have been activated then?”

“Not yet, but we're keeping an eye out for them or any communications from the safe houses in the area.”  
\--------------------------------------------------------------  
After that, Howard couldn't keep himself away from helping with the search, every minute he could spare was spent in that room looking for Peggy. She had told him when he was flying the plane that he loved Steve just as she did, and she was right but what she didn't know was that was only partially true. There was another he was in love with, but he'd never admit his feelings. It was better for everyone if he kept it to himself.

They went ahead with the wedding during Peggy’s absence, not wanting to delay so the cover for their child's birth would be believed. Saying it was a few months premature would be stretching it as it was so time was of the essence. Howard had made sure he and Maria had been seen around town, acting the loving couple between his hours searching for Peggy. With everything going on between that and a few Stark Industries projects, it wasn't hard to say they were delaying their honeymoon until later to cover for the fact Howard was going crazy with his searching. It had been difficult for Maria to see how devoted her new husband was to the other woman, but knew there was a past between them that she'd never be privileged to. It was almost a relief for her to be sent back to California so she could make preparations for their upcoming arrival, away from the uncomfortable atmosphere Howard was creating. 

When the communication came from the safe house, Howard had been without sleep for over three days trying to find her. Everyone else had left, figuring she was amongst the dead in the jungle. As soon as he'd picked up the message, his heart swelled with pride that she'd made it. He'd immediately passed the coordinates to an extraction team and went to his office for coffee so he'd be ready to greet her when she returned.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------  
Howard was furious at Peggy's attitude after the mission. He was in his main residence, a large mansion with all the expensive amenities he could find, fuelling his anger with a bottle of strong scotch. Pacing around the room as all the ways she could have lost the life inside her as well as her own ran through his head, Howard started muttering to himself. “That woman has no damn sense,” he took a swig of amber liquor out of the glass, ice clinking, “running around the jungle in her condition. I should put her in a padded room and throw away the key.”

Jarvis quietly kept an eye on his boss from the doorway, not wanting to interrupt the angry tirade but also knowing that when he got into moods like this he was likely to hurt himself or lash out at others. He wanted to go call his wife, who was on the other side of the country helping Maria get things ready for Peggy's impending confinement and the addition of a baby to the household, but that would have to wait until things were more settled.

Howard had been in a mood since the news of the ambush, desperately trying to find the mother of his child with the same devotion that he showed to his search for the still missing captain. He worried the entire time, spending most of his days at the office trying to gather some news on what happened and how he could bring at least Peggy home. It was a relief when he heard she'd been found, he didn't want to call Maria and tell her that the baby she was so looking forward to was lost or contemplating what his life would be like without Peggy. 

 

The woman infuriated him at every turn, always needing to prove she was just as capable as the men by putting herself in unnecessary danger that nobody in their right mind would do. Howard wasn't quite sure she hadn't agreed to this whole baby situation just to prove how much better she was at her job than a man. With a frustrated growl, the half empty bottle was thrown across the room, shattering against the stones on the fireplace. He went to the liquor cabinet, not happy when there wasn't another in there. “Jarvis! Why isn't there more scotch?”

 

“Sir, I believe you told me that since you weren't planning on staying here long that the full one would suffice;” Edwin replied stepping into the room, “if you'd like, I can go out and possibly find a suitable replacement.”

 

“I'd rather give that woman a piece of my mind. Don't know what I'd do without her…”

 

“Sir?”

 

“Peggy, scared the everloving shit out of me and then got mad because I want her safe.”

 

“Did you tell her that sir?”

 

Howard looked at his butler, “I tried. But what business is it of yours?”

 

Edwin shook his head, “I'm very sorry sir. Allow me to go get what you require.”

Leaving Howard to his misery, and hoping there would be no further acts of destruction which would require cleaning, Jarvis went to one of the many cars in the garage with a plan of his own to assist with the situation. He first headed to the shop where he had an agreement with the owner to pick up Howard's liquor but instead of heading right home, he drove to the penthouse. Edwin was almost sure Peggy was going to be upset, but this was something that couldn't wait.

 

Jarvis arrived at the penthouse, taking a deep breath before walking up to the door and ringing the bell. He waited, looking patient on the outside but resisting the urge to tap his foot in impatience. Just before he went to ring the bell again, a woman opened the door. “Miss Martinelli, I need to speak with Miss Carter.”

 

Angie looked at the man. “You know whenever you show up unexpectedly nothing good ever happens.”

 

“I'm terribly sorry but I wouldn't have come if I didn't think it was of utmost importance. I think Mister Stark has something to discuss with Miss Carter that should not wait until a later date.”

 

The woman looked him up and down, “She's already in a mood. You want to make it worse?”

 

“The last thing I want is to make her already difficult situation worse,” Jarvis admitted without saying the truth, “but I believe this will help alleviate some tension between my employer and Miss Carter.”

 

“So it'll be good for her?”

 

“I sincerely believe so.”

 

Angie sighed, “Come in, I'll get her for you.”

 

“Thank you Miss Martinelli,” he went to stand in the foyer to give them time.

 

“You or your boss upset her anymore tonight and you'll have to deal with me,” she threatened with a glare.

 

“Duly noted.” He watched her walk away, no doubt in his mind that there would be trouble if things went wrong. Somehow the thought of what the actress would do to him was slightly terrifying, mostly because as innocent as the woman acted she was still friends with Peggy Carter and he had no doubt that she knew how to take care of herself and those she cared about in ways he would never comprehend. He nervously paced around as he waited, hoping his hastily thought up plan would work. That by telling her his feelings, some of the tension would be released so going forward maybe things wouldn't be so volatile.

Angie went upstairs to inform Peggy of their visitor. She still wasn't too happy with disturbing her friend after she'd just gotten her calmed down but if there was a chance it could help any then she was fairly confident that it couldn't hurt to hear the man out. Arriving at the bedroom door, Angie knocked, “Peg, you have a visitor.”

Peggy opened the door, a book in her hand. “Visitor, who would be calling at this hour?”

“Mister Jarvis wants you to go talk to his boss. Guess there's something that needs discussed that can't wait.”

“Oh he wants to talk to me! I don't think after he made his feelings clear earlier I want to hear anymore tonight.”

Peggy went to shut her door, but Angie put her hand out to stop her. “It might be worth it to hear him out.”

She gave the actress a shocked look. “And what would you know?”

“I know the man down there looks as terrified as a kid on a first audition. And that he doesn't just show up unless there's something important going on that usually ends up with you leaving for awhile, so if he's here then you might want to go,” Angie slowly stepped closer as she spoke. “Besides, you might need to hear what the guy's gotta say.”

“And what if I don't?” Peggy let her into the room.

“Then you do what you do best and come home to me,” Angie replied taking her hand. “I don't know what all this is about but I already threatened to hurt him if you got anymore upset.”

“You did?” Peggy asked a look of amusement on her face.

Angie smiled a bit. “We've looked out for each other for how long now? I don't like seeing you upset like this.”

“I did punch Mister Jarvis in the face when we first met,” Peggy admitted giving a little smile of her own.

“Well he'll get it again if you say the word. Now get dressed and see what's so important.”

“Alright.”  
\-------------------------------------------------

“What does Howard want now?” Peggy asked as she came into the hall, fully dressed and looking like her mask of tolerance was barely in place.

“Miss Carter, Mister Stark has no knowledge I am here but it is my belief that you and he need to have a conversation on a most pressing topic of a delicate nature.”

“Do we now? Last I had heard he was unnecessarily cross with me.”

Jarvis sighed. “That is why you both need to talk. I think there is a reason behind the behavior that needs to come to light before any more harsh words are exchanged.”

Peggy bit her lip as she considered his words. “If I don't like the way it goes you will return me home immediately.”

“Of course.”

“It's your choice, English,” Angie spoke as she walked up beside her, “I know you've had a hard day but if it helps then what do you have to lose?”

Peggy nodded. “Alright, I'll go.”

“Thank you Miss Carter, I don't think you'll regret it,” Jarvis smiled, “shall we?”

Peggy allowed him to escort her to the car, giving him the silent treatment the whole way. She still wasn't too happy with what had happened at the office, but as always found herself going to hear what Howard had to say in the end. 

They parked and Jarvis broke the silence. “He has no idea you are with me and is in a horrid mood just to warn you.”

“Then why did you bring me?” She asked exiting the vehicle.

“Because I truly believe that there is something that needs resolved between you and that tonight might be the perfect conditions to achieve that goal.”

“You mean he's drunk and violent so you thought it'd be a grand idea for me to come and get myself killed?”

Jarvis shook his head. “That isn't the case. Just please come inside, if I miscalculated the situation I will put myself in danger before I let you come to harm. Please Miss Carter, this might be the only time to get this cleared up between you.”

Shaking her head, Peggy went inside, just wanting to get this over with. Jarvis led her to the study where Howard was still pacing and muttering to himself under his breath. He looked disheveled, his suit a wrinkled mess and hair mussed up, not at all like the picture of perfection he usually presented to the world.

“Sir, I have returned with your scotch and Miss Carter,” Jarvis announced as he entered the room.

Howard's head whipped around, taking in the sight of Peggy standing in the doorway. “Peg…”

“Howard,” she greeted him, slowly entering the room. “I was told you had something you wanted to tell me.”

Jarvis had placed the new bottle on the drink cart and went to stand at the side of the room to keep an eye on the proceedings. He would keep his word about protecting the woman if necessary but hoped it would be a peaceful resolution.

Peggy had gone closer, choosing a chair to sit in as she waited for Howard to begin. He looked at her before going to pour himself a drink, running his hands through his hair to try and tame it before standing before her.

“You scared me when you disappeared like that,” he took a sip to calm his nerves.

“Were you afraid to lose me or the baby?” she asked, her tone insinuating that she was dispensable as long as the thing inside her was safe.

“Peg no!” Howard rushed over to kneel in front of her. “I lost him, I can't lose you too.”

“What are you saying?” Peggy looked down at him confused.

Howard looked up at her. “You were right, I did love Steve, but he wasn't the only one. I love you Peg, I've been in love with you since before you risked everything to save me. Just say the word and I'll have the marriage annulled and you and I can raise our child together. We can be a family, just say you love me and I can give you the world.”

Peggy looked at him in shock. “Howard, I'm sorry but I don't share your feelings.”

“What do you mean? All we did, the life inside you and you're telling me it means nothing?”

Taking a deep breath, she chose her words carefully. “That's not what I'm saying at all. Our time together was a great comfort to me. I chose you despite your womanizing reputation and what I found out about your rather extensive love life because you're the only one that's always known me best, the one who's always believed in me. I wanted the physical part as well, I don't regret what we did but I just don't love you like that.” Peggy sighed as he clutched her hands in his. “I love you like family Howard, but I never wanted to be your wife. Maria wants to be that for you so go to her. I will give you the family you want but I can't be what you want me to be, I'm so sorry.”

“You don't love me?” Howard's face was crestfallen as her words hit him. It broke her heart to see him so distressed.

“Not like you want me to.”

“Peggy…”

“Go to bed Howard, get some rest. It won't be long now until I have to hide. I'll talk to you later about plans for that.”

“Stay with me tonight. One last time stay,” he begged, not letting her go.

“No Howard, you need to let go of those feelings. Go call your wife and go to bed.” 

Howard fell to the ground, tears falling down his face, “Peg…”

Peggy stood. “Goodnight, Howard.” She went to Jarvis, “I'll be waiting in the entryway, put him to bed then take me home.” She went and sat on a bench to wait, not quite believing that Howard Stark had just confessed his love for her but knowing that turning him down was for the best.


	6. Chapter 6

Peggy was quiet on the ride home, trying to wrap her head around what had just happened. Howard Stark was in love with her. Of all the people that could have said those words, why did it have to be him? She hadn't lied when she said she didn't love him romantically; he was a good friend that she shared certain benefits with and that was all. She hadn't meant to hurt him, but she refused to pretend to be something she wasn't to make someone else happy. It was bad enough she had compromised and was having his child they'd accidentally conceived, she wasn't about to do anything else to make herself miserable.

“If it's any comfort Miss Carter,” Jarvis spoke as he pulled the car in front of her home, “I think you did the right thing.”

“I feel as if I've destroyed him,” Peggy admitted quietly.

“I don't think you did all that, but now you know, as does Mister Stark, where your relationship stands. He cares more for you than for the child, keep that in mind as things progress. You have people that care greatly for you that aren't interested in the child you carry, rely on them to remind you of who you are aside from what your body is capable of doing. I have great respect for you Miss Carter, I don't know many women that would do what you're doing for Mister and Misses Stark. I promise I will do my best to be one of those people that is supportive of you because you deserve nothing less.”

“Thank you Edwin,” Peggy replied, “you don't know how much that means to me.”

“Yes, well I know how my Ana feels about the situation. Don't let them get you down with their talk. I know this is going to be hard on you, so if you need someone know that you can come to me.”

“Thank you, I will keep that in mind. Now if you don't mind I think I need to retire for the night. This was a most enlightening trip.”

“Of course,” Jarvis exited the car, coming around to open her door and help her out.

Peggy squeezed his hand in gratitude before heading to her door. It had been an exhausting day full of unexpected events; she was ready to fall into bed and sleep, if her mind would allow it. She unlocked the door and wasn't surprised to see the lights were still on with the smell of chocolate wafting through the house. Angie was still up and baking as she waited for Peggy to return. Not able to help herself, she walked into the kitchen watching as the other woman absently drug a rag over the counter top, not really cleaning. Even after all these years, Peggy was amazed at how good the other woman looked. There may have been a few more lines around her mouth and eyes, but Angie Martinelli still looked as pretty as the first time she'd met her at the automat. It was a shame she wasn't already settled down with someone that could give her a good life.

“Oh, you're home!” Angie exclaimed as she turned around and saw Peggy in the doorway. “Did everything go okay? Do I need to go make good on my threat?”

Peggy shook her head. “No, you were right. I needed to go straighten things out. I'm not sure how they will play out but…”

Angie nodded. “So are you leaving again?”

Sighing, Peggy sat at the small table in the kitchen, not feeling up to having this conversation but also not wanting to hurt Angie later if she sprung the news on her last minute. “I will be quite soon I'm afraid.”

The timer went off, causing the other woman to pay attention to the pan in the oven as she spoke. “Will you be gone long? As nice as this place is, it does get lonely rattling around it by myself.”

“At least six months, maybe more. It depends on what we do or do not find on this trip.”

Angie sat the still hot brownies on a towel in front of her. “That's a long time.”

“I know.”

“You can't put it off?”

Peggy made a strained little huff of a laugh as she looked away. “I desperately wish I could.”

“How soon are you leaving?” Angie asked as she set plates and a spatula down before joining her at the table.

Looking down at what she thought was an already telling sign of her lie and surprised that her stash of other things she'd hidden to help with the pregnancy hadn't already been discovered, Peggy steeled herself. “Soon. The information is very time sensitive and needs to be taken care of as quickly as possible.”

“But you just got back,” Angie protested. “Why can't someone else take care of it? I know you're one of the bosses and the best at what you do but you need to take some time off to take care of yourself too. I miss you and these things usually mean we can't even talk. I was hoping you could come to my show.”

“I'm truly sorry Angie, but it cannot wait. There is a life on the line,” Peggy neglected to mention it was hers. “If I could put it off I would but I'm afraid it's impossible.”

Angie huffed and stood. “You're married to that job. You refuse to let anyone else in you're so obsessed. I understand you want to help people but damn it…” she turned, storming out of the kitchen.

“Angie wait!” Peggy called, going after her. She caught up with her upstairs outside her room. “I'm sorry, I’m not trying to upset you but this mission really cannot wait. It's not something I ever thought I'd be doing in my life.”

Angie glared at her. “English, for the work you do you really can't see what's right in front of you, can you?”

Peggy looked at her curious. “What do you mean?”

The other woman just shook her head. “Goodnight, Peggy,” she went into her room, locking the door behind her. 

Peggy stood in the hall watching the door, wondering what had caused the outburst. Usually Angie was good natured about her frequent business trips but this was unexpected. There was something that wasn't being said, that much she knew, but it wasn't going to be resolved tonight. With a heavy heart caused by hurting two people dear to her, Peggy gave up and headed to her own room hoping sleep would bring some peace to the turbulent day.


	7. Chapter 7

Waking early the next morning, Peggy still felt tired after a night of restless sleep. She got up, knowing she couldn't avoid facing everyone today, and went to get ready for another day at the office. As she undressed, she looked at the slight curve of her stomach. “This is all your fault,” she grumbled before pulling on a loose fitting pantsuit, doing her hair and makeup to hide the dark circles forming under her eyes. Peggy quit trying after a while. She'd done everything she could but some things makeup just couldn't hide. 

Peggy hoped Angie had an early call at the theater so she could escape to discuss her plans for leaving New York with Howard without having another confrontation; because if she was honest with herself, she'd rather face the man she'd rejected than think about what the other woman's words last night had meant. 

Knowing her feelings towards the other woman were more than just the friendship they'd been professing all these years, Peggy was secretly glad they were still seen as just two friends sharing a household out of necessity; but if she was reading Angie's actions wrong it could mean losing one of the most important people of her life at a time she would need her the most. She wasn't ready to tell Angie the truth about what was happening, not wanting to see judgement on her face if she disapproved of her actions but maybe someday she would be ready to clear the air and come clean about things. Hopefully when that time came Angie would still be willing to hear her out.

Peggy grabbed her briefcase with a sigh, checking the contents before opening her door. There wasn't any noise coming from the hall indicating Angie was in the house so she stepped out, grateful that one thing might go right for her after everything. Her luck held out as she grabbed a quick breakfast from the kitchen on her way out the door, it wasn't nearly enough she knew but Peggy wasn't sure she could stomach the food she should have had before seeing Howard if he was at the office after last night.

A few of the agents greeted her upon entering the building, Peggy muttering appropriate responses as she made her way to her office. She wanted to scream as she was stopped by one of the senior agents with some questions about an upcoming mission. Answering to the best of her ability, she promised to send along more information later as she finally made her escape. 

Finally inside the haven of her office, she took a deep breath to calm her already frayed nerves. After standing there for a awhile Peggy shook herself out of her temporary stupor; it wouldn't do any good to give into the fear she was feeling over what she had done yesterday and it was time to face the consequences for at least one of her actions. 

Walking over to her desk, she called her secretary to have her contact Howard to come to her office at his earliest convenience. That out of the way, Peggy started the mindless task of cleaning and storing the gear she'd left from the disastrous last mission when she'd stormed off after fighting with him to take her mind off of the impending meeting. The simple act of taking care of her equipment calmed her, it always had, the knowledge that she had made it through another mission and that by properly caring for the items that she depended on to help save her life they would continue to do so in the future. Peggy had just finished putting her bag in it's cupboard when the intercom buzzed on her phone.

“Director Carter, Mister Stark is here to see you.”

Taking a deep breath, Peggy told her to let him in. She carefully attempted to look calm and casual as he entered, not wanting Howard to see her true emotional state at the moment.

“Howard,” she greeted him, gesturing for him to take a seat.

“Peg, I…,” he started as he sat, looking at her.

“Yes?”

Howard chewed his lip for a moment before continuing. “I just wanted to say I'm sorry about last night. I wasn't in my right mind and didn't mean to dump that on you on top of everything else.”

Peggy studied him for a moment, seeing the heartbroken look on his face. “I'm glad you told me, I'm just sorry I don't feel the same way. You deserve a woman that wants to be with you; I think Maria is that woman and I'm glad you have her. Now don't you mess it up.”

Howard huffed a laugh. “Don't know if I can manage that.”

“At least give it a try.”

“Yeah, I'll do that. So why'd you call me in here anyway? Don't think it was to relive the embarrassment of last night.”

Going behind her desk to sit, Peggy felt her nervousness rise again. “You were right when you said it was time for me to go. If it's alright with you I think saying you have a possible lead on Steve would give us plenty of time for me to finish this favor for you and recover before returning. General Phillips can run things while we're gone or possibly one of the promising agents can, Nick Fury is showing wonderful potential.” 

Howard's jaw fell. “You're ready to leave?”

“No,” she sighed, “but it's getting time. I'm starting to show to a point where hiding is becoming more difficult which means there's little time left for me to enjoy my freedom, so we may as well start organizing the departure. If we use Steve as an excuse you can keep an eye on me as well, make sure I'm not jeopardizing your future as it were.”

“I'll take good care of you Pegs, don't you worry about that,” he smiled at her. “Never thought I'd see the day I'd be happy to become a papa. Always figured some dame would show up at my doorstep with a bastard claiming it was mine.”

“Yes, well if you'd keep it in your pants you wouldn't have to worry about that now would you?”

“Can't help I appreciate a beautiful woman and there's so many that want me.”

“I'm just glad you never gave me one of those awful bracelets.”

“Those were just to let the one nighters remember their time with me,” Howard looked into her eyes. “Never thought you'd need anything to remember me by but you're sure giving me something to remember you.”

“Howard…”

“You're a special woman Peggy, I'm just amazed that we made another human being together. I just wish…,” he trailed off, looking away.

“I know, but you have your wife and soon a family. You will feel differently after a while.”

“What if I don't want to?” he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

“We're not having this discussion again,” Peggy's voice was kind but firm. “Now how soon can we make the arrangements?”

They discussed plans for a while, ordering in lunch from their favorite deli as they detailed how things would work. When the food arrived, Peggy took one bite of the sandwich and had to spit it right back out, it tasted awful.

“Something wrong,” Howard asked seeing the look on her face. “I thought that was your favorite?”

“It is,” she told him. “Does it taste alright to you?”

He took a bite, chewing carefully. “Tastes fine to me.”

She shook it off. “Guess I'll find something later.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I had a decent breakfast,” she lied. “I'll be fine.”

Shooting her a concerned look, Howard said nothing more. They finished up having her secretary set up a meeting for the next day to present the idea to Phillips. With a heavy sigh, Peggy leaned over her desk placing her head in her hands.

“I can't wait for this to be over.”

“Soon enough it will be. Only a few more months,” Howard assured her.

“I can make it,” she sounded like she was trying to convince herself. “I can do this.”

“I know you can. After all you've dealt with, this should be a piece of cake.”

She gave Howard a skeptical look but said nothing. The hard part was just getting started and there was still a long ways to go before she was able to be free.


	8. Chapter 8

At home that night alone, Peggy wandered aimlessly around the house, trying to find a way to repair the damage from the night before. Peggy wanted to ask what Angie had meant when she said she couldn't see what was in front of her, did it mean what she thought? Was what she wanted possible? She found herself pulling pimento olives out of a jar and absently chewing them as she tried to wrap her head around the new development. 

“You know English, I didn't think you were a fan of those,” Angie's voice broke her out of the deep thoughts.

Looking down at the mostly empty jar, Peggy shook herself. “Well they sounded good and I couldn't help myself, I guess.”

Angie hummed as she came around to stand beside her. “So is there anything you want to tell me?”

“Angie, I…,” Looking at the other woman, Peggy debated coming clean and telling her everything. About the affair with Howard, her feelings towards her, the favor she was doing, the truth about the sudden mission, but she was unwilling to admit to herself that maybe having someone in her confidence was a good idea. So much of her life had to be shrouded in secrecy that even now the habit was hard to break.

“I know something's wrong,” Angie continued after waiting a bit for Peggy to say anything more. “I understand if you don't think some dumb actress can comprehend your cloak and dagger life but I'm here if and when you’re ready to talk.”

“Angie,” Peggy turned to her, “there's things I want to tell you but I can't. Not yet at least. It's not that I think you're not intelligent enough, you're one of the brightest women I know, but I can't because of consequences I don't want to face if you knew.”

“Consequences huh?” Angie turned to lean her back against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. “From some agency or from me?”

“Both…”

Taking a sharp breath, she nodded. “I can accept that.”

“Angie, can I ask you something?”

Looking at her, Angie nodded. “You know you can ask me anything.”

“What did you mean last night?”

“Heat of the moment thing,” the actress blushed slightly.

“So you're not…,” Peggy couldn't bring herself to say what she thought in case she was reading the situation wrong.

“Not what?”

Taking a risk, Peggy reached out to take Angie's hand. “Making sure I have someone to come home to.”

“Peg…”

“Because I do like having you to come home to. I've always dreaded the day you'd find someone and leave me.”

Angie turned to her. “I've always felt the same. I worry when you leave I'll never see you again, that you'd have found some dashing man that would take you away and I'd be left alone.”

Moving to hold Angie against her, Peggy gently ran her fingers through the brown curls. “Nobody could ever take your place.”

“This is dangerous you know, nobody will accept what we are,” Angie murmured, melting into the embrace.

“Nobody else matters, I love you Angie, as long as we know the truth does the world need to know?”

Smiling, Angie stretched up to capture Peggy's lips in a kiss before answering. “I love you too, Peg. As long as I have you, I'm happy.”

“Come to bed with me?”

Laughing Angie had to tease. “So forward miss Carter, what makes you think I'm that kinda girl?”

“Because I'm talking about actually sleeping with no other activities and I bet you want to hold me as much as I want to hold you right now,” Peggy smiled happily.

“Then let me get ready and I'll meet you there.”

“Hurry, I can't wait,” she watched Angie go with a sigh. That had gone better than she'd thought and now Peggy felt better knowing she wasn't going to be left alone. The only problem now was that she still had to leave before they could truly settle into their new life.

Heading to her room to get ready, Peggy couldn't help but feel like this new revelation was a double edged sword. While it was nice to finally have someone to call her own, the fact that it was Angie complicated things. If anyone found out about them it would mean the actress would be in danger if any of her enemies found out, they had a high chance of being attacked for simply loving each other, and one or both of their careers could be put into jeopardy if the truth was ever revealed. But as much as any of that scared her, Peggy was more afraid of living her life without Angie than anything the world could throw at them. 

Right after she'd slipped into her pajamas, Peggy heard a soft knock on her door. Going to open the door, she couldn't help the smile on her face as she let Angie in.

“So English, we're finally doing this,” Angie said as she hesitantly placed her hands on Peggy's hips.

“It appears so,” Peggy wrapped her arms around Angie's neck, “may I have a proper kiss? I've seen you on stage, I know you can do it better than what we did before.”

With a smile, Angie pressed her lips to hers, pulling Peggy closer as she wrapped her arms around her waist. It was if all the unspoken words between them were suddenly unleashed in the simple act, the passion and worry evident in the fervent exploration of each other in that moment.

Peggy eventually pulled away, breathless. “Angie,” she softly exhaled the name in wonder.

“Wow…,” Angie's eyes sparkled as she looked at the woman in her arms.

“Bed?”

“Bed.”

Peggy took her hand as she led the way across the room, feeling just as shy as she had the first time she'd shared a bed with someone all those years ago. Sitting down on the edge, Peggy pulled Angie close, burying her face in her stomach.

“You alright?” Angie asked, petting the dark curls in front of her.

“Hold me?” Peggy asked, her voice breaking a little as reality hit her. Angie obliged, laying down on the bed and holding her arms out for Peggy to crawl into, after turning out the lights. 

Peggy felt awful as Angie started gently stroking her back as she clung to the soft body. As nice as having finally found someone to love her was, she still had to leave too soon to be able to enjoy the feeling fully. She wasn't sure if Angie would still love her if she knew why she was leaving, if her time with Howard would destroy her chance at being happy with the woman she loved.

“Wanna tell me what's wrong?” Angie softly inquired, never stopping her hands.

“I still have to leave soon,” Peggy quietly explained, “and I cannot reveal why. I just don't want to lose you after all this.”

Humming softly, Angie placed a kiss to the top of her head. “I trust you. I'll still be here when you get back.”

Peggy's breath hitched. “I might be able to call you, it all depends on how things go.”

“That would be nice. I wouldn't worry so much if I knew you're safe.”

“I'll try,” Peggy promised, clinging a little tighter.

“Sleep now, I've got you.”

They drifted off in each other's arms, the looming trip a small dark cloud over the new found happiness. Angie's confidence in them a shield against the storm raging inside Peggy. It left a small kernel of hope that things might turn out alright in the end.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Peggy woke to an empty bed. She placed a hand on the cold pillow next to her, wondering if the night before had been a dream. Did she really confess and receive confirmation that Angie wanted to be with her after everything? It couldn't have happened as naturally as it felt, her life didn't go that way. Angie sharing her bed had to have been nothing more than a pleasant production of her imagination because there was no way it could have been real.

She'd just rolled over, hugging the pillow in an attempt to keep the feeling of the dream when the door opened, revealing Angie carrying a tray.

“Good morning sunshine,” Angie greeted her with a smile. “Still laying about?”

“A-Angie?” Peggy blinked as the tray was set on the bedside table and a kiss was placed on her cheek.

“Who else would it be? You think I'd leave you without a word after finally getting what I wanted for so long?” 

“I thought it'd been a dream.”

Angie crawled back into bed, adjusting the pillows so she could sit up comfortably. “If you're dreaming then I must be too. But as far as I can tell it's real,” she gently pinched Peggy on the arm, causing a little yelp. “You're awake.”

Rubbing her sore arm, Peggy glowered at her. “Thank you for clearing that up.”

“You're welcome,” Angie cheerfully responded, “now come on and sit up, I brought you breakfast.”

Smiling despite herself, Peggy did as she was told. Angie set the tray on her lap, revealing bacon, eggs, toast and tea for Peggy and coffee for herself.

“I hope this is okay,” Angie said as she picked up a piece of crisp bacon in her fingers, “I wanted to do something special for you while I could.”

Feeling bold, Peggy bit into the piece in her hand. “Oh? So I shouldn't expect this every day then.”

“You're a big girl, I know you know how to fend for yourself. Besides I know nothing much will change besides maybe our sleeping arrangements unless maybe family visits. I think my mother will better accept me being a spinster living with a friend over being in love with you,” Angie admitted sadly.

Peggy sighed. “Yes, I suppose it would be difficult for her to understand.”

“I'm not giving up my career for you and I don't expect you to give yours up for me. All I ask is you try like hell to come home and perhaps be in the audience every once in a while.”

“Angie, I promise I will fight to come home.”

“So you'll delay your mission to come to my opening?”

“That's not fair,” Peggy exclaimed. “I can't put off this mission. It would be a disaster if it were delayed.”

Angie sighed. “Sorry Peg. I just worked really hard on this and want you there to see it “

Snuggling closer, Peggy reached up to move a strand of hair out of her face. “I know darling, if I could be there I would, but this came up unexpectedly and must be dealt with carefully for the good of all involved.”

“And you're the only one that can handle it,” Angie finished sadly.

“Unfortunately, though I don't know how well I'll handle it.”

“You've seemed stressed lately, can't you tell me about that as we eat?” Angie tried to pry as she saw how tense Peggy was getting as they talked.

Picking up a fork, Peggy shook her head. “Not yet.”

“It has to do with your mission though?”

“It does.”

Angie went quiet as they ate, the room full of the unspoken words between them. She wanted to know what was bothering her new love and wanted to push the matter but didn't want to sour what they had just found, so she decided to just stay strong and let Peggy come to her when she was ready. She had a feeling whatever it was was big and would be revealed eventually.

“I should get into the office,” Peggy finally spoke as she took the last sip of her tea.

“They're giving us a day off,” Angie replied putting an arm around her. “There anything you need me to do to help you get ready to leave?”

Peggy looked at her. “You'd really help?”

“Yeah, why not. I can get things at the store, whatever you need, just leave me a list and I'll take care of it.”

“Thank you darling,” leaning over, she kissed Angie slowly and tenderly. After having to fight for everything she'd achieved in life Peggy had to wonder what she'd done to deserve such a simple thing as the love of such a wonderful woman. Reluctantly leaving Angie's arms, she quickly made out a list, handing it over with one final kiss before getting ready, not even aware she was letting the other woman see the changes in her body as she dressed. Peggy felt like she was walking on air as she left, nothing could dampen the good mood she was in.


	9. Chapter 9

Arriving late, Peggy couldn't help the smile on her face after the lovely morning. Not even her secretary informing her of a lunch meeting with Howard and Phillips to go over the upcoming mission dampened her bright spirits. She hummed an old dance hall tune to herself as she filled out paperwork, imagining what it would be like to dance with Angie in one of the clubs she'd heard about where it was accepted for them to be themselves. She was startled out of her daydream by a knock on her door.

“Come in,” Peggy called, finishing up the last few lines on the form in front of her.

“You ready Pegs,” Howard asked as he entered, looking slightly disheveled.

Looking up at him, she smiled brightly. “Howard, you look a mess, let me fix you up,” Peggy walked over and smoothed out the wrinkles in his suit.

“You seem uncharastically chipper today,” he observed as she tisked over him. “Anything happen?”

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Now that you look presentable, let's go.”

Howard took Peggy's arm as they walked out to his waiting car. Jarvis smiled back at her as they reached him, opening the doors so they could enter, playing the ever-quiet chauffeur even though he wanted to ask about the change in her mood. 

The ride was relaxed for the most part as Howard and Peggy went over what they were going to say to Phillips over their meal, Peggy never losing her jovial demeanor as Howard got nervous for them both. The older man's humor hadn't improved as he'd aged, making him even more sarcastic and surly than he'd been back in the war, which could be disastrous if he was already in a mood when they got to him. Howard hoped they could get away with the lie but prepared himself for the worst case scenario.

They walked into the little diner and immediately were led to a small back corner where Phillips was waiting on them, sipping a coffee. “About damn time you showed up,” he barked, the relaxed demeanor the only clue that the man wasn't really upset.

“Now Colonel you know we're on time, it's not our fault you're always early,” Peggy shot back as they sat, returning the smile Phillips gave her.

“So what's so important you had to drag me out?”

Howard looked at Peggy before speaking. “We think we may have a lead on Rodgers.”

Phillips sighed as a waitress brought food for everyone. “I took the liberty while I waited,” he didn't speak again until she left. “You know it's been over twenty years. Now while I appreciate you wanting to find his remains what all would this entail?” 

“Six months leave for Howard and I,” Peggy explained, “I want to be there if he's found.”

“So you want me to send my best agent and lead scientist off for six months on the possibility you might find the corpse of your dead boyfriend?” he looked between them as he cut the meat on his plate.

“You know he's more than that to so many people,” Howard protested.

“I know Stark,” Phillips gave him a pitying look, “but I can't spare you both for that long on a wing and a prayer. I miss him too, pain in my ass as he was, but he's gone and we have to keep the world he sacrificed himself for safe. I can't do that with both of you gone, I'm sorry. Now if you want to go than go but I need Carter here.”

“Sir,” Peggy started, “with all due respect I need to go.”

“And I need you to keep things running. Stark's just part of R&D, you run the spook show, I can't have you running around the arctic on a whim and that's final!”

Howard shook his head and said a silent prayer that Peggy would forgive him. “I'll stay and help but Peggy's gotta go, not to the arctic but away for a while. You'll lose her for good if you don't.”

“Howard,” Peggy wasn't sure she liked where this was going, “don't.”

“He needs to know Peg.”

“What do I need to know?” Phillips asked looking at them.

Howard sighed and started playing with his napkin. “Peggy and I have been having a little thing together. She's carrying our child and needs time away so she can come back without anyone knowing what happened. We were hoping that by using finding Rogers as an alibi she could get away and deliver the baby without losing respect from the knuckleheads around the office. My wife and I will care for the kid after it's born but don't want to ruin her life by doing this for us.”

“So,” Phillips said as he slowly continued eating, “you two make a mistake and I'm expected to help clean up your mess because you couldn't keep your hands off each other?”

“Colonal,” Peggy slowly said as her good mood vanished with Howard's words, “it wasn't intentional, but if you value me as much as you say you do than I can't let the men see me as anything other than the hard woman they know. If they find out I'm just as human as them you know they won't follow orders without second guessing more than they already do. I'll go and come right back, if I'm welcomed that is.”

“It'd serve you right to waddle around the office. Your poor decision making skills got you into this mess. That being said I have to admit I'm not exactly a spring chicken and need you to keep those yahoos under control; you can go and I'll cover your ass. Just don't go making this a habit.”

“Oh no sir, we're done having our dalliances,” Peggy assured him. “He's a married man and I've got someone myself. It's past time we ended the affair.”

Howard looked pained for a moment before agreeing. “One and only time, scouts honor.”

“Alright then. Dig in and we'll get things figured out,” Phillips gestured to their untouched meals. “I'd suggest starting before it gets cold.”

They ate as they discussed the logistics of Peggy's leave. Peggy forcing herself to be polite to Howard after he lay their personal life bare to their oldest friend and coworker. It wasn't fair she had to do this in order to keep her job and the respect she'd worked so hard to earn, while he could continue on like nothing had happened when it took both of them to make this mistake. Why was she the only one that was being made to suffer?

As soon as they said their goodbyes and were back in the car, Peggy pinned Howard with a glare.

“How dare you! What possessed you to tell him the truth?”

“Peg,” Howard held his hands up in surrender, “you need to leave and it was the only way to get him to see why. I didn't want it to be this way but what else could I do?”

“You could have pressed harder, but no it's easier to save yourself and ruin me. You're not the one that's going to be looked down on if it gets out, I'll be just another loose woman that's had a bastard out of wedlock. They'll see me as nothing more than another one of your conquests. You'll get respected for claiming me and I'll get cast down as nothing,” Peggy sniffled, trying to hold back the angry tears that threatened to fall.

“He won't tell anyone,” Howard promised her. “He knows it's not like that, not with us. Phillips understands a lot more than you think Pegs, he's letting you go. I've got the cover ready with Maria and things lined up so nobody will ever know the truth, you're not going to be found out. I swear on my life the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

“You're doing a piss poor job of showing it,” she gave a sad little laugh through her tears.

“Jarvis, let's take her home. Let her get ready to leave,” Howard looked at her. “Take the last few days and rest. Enjoy the time before heading out. I'm sorry I couldn't do more but it's for the best, you'll see.”

“Because Howard always knows best,” Peggy replied with a bite of sarcasm before going quiet on the ride home. He had no way of truly understanding what she was going through because of his position and sex; that privilege shielded him from the truth of what would happen to her if she was ever found out. For now, as much as she hated it, she'd have to trust he was right and follow his plan.


	10. Chapter 10

Angie was setting bags on the kitchen counter when Peggy walked in, her face still red from her earlier upset.

“Hey English, what's wrong?” she went over to her, pulling Peggy close.

Peggy put her head on Angie's shoulder. “I leave in a couple days, it's been decided. I'm so scared I won't come back, there's so much that could go wrong - ” 

“Hey,” Angie kissed her head, “I have faith that you'll do whatever is in your control to make sure you return. There's only so much you can do yourself, maybe trust some people around you too. I know you want to be invincible but you're only human. You're one of the strongest, most wonderful women I know and that's why I love you. You face incredible odds and come out alive when I know others in your line of work haven't, you can do anything you set your mind to. You will come home to me, I know you will, because we've only just begun our life together and you won't let a little mission stop us from that.”

Peggy clung tighter to Angie, finding comfort in the smell of her perfume, the feel of her body against hers. “Let's go out. We can put on disguises and nobody will know it's us. Just want one night to remember before I leave, something to carry with me, please.”

“Yeah? You want to show me off or maybe I can show you off since we've both got such great catches,” Angie smiled. “You know where we can go?”

“There's a place on Bleecker Street I've heard rumors of,” Peggy admitted. “If you're willing to take the risk with me.”

“Honey, I'm always willing to take a risk to be with you. Why don't you go pick us out our identities for tonight and I'll finish putting away the shopping. I'm assuming you already have things laying around for this.”

Blushing, Peggy had to admit: “Maybe I do. In a fit of wishful thinking, it might have been done without your knowledge.”

“I bet,” Angie laughed. “Let's do it. What's the worst that could happen, we get in a bit of trouble and you have to save us?”

“We get arrested and assaulted for daring to be happy together without men.”

“Well, now I think we can do this. Go get ready, I can't wait to see you all done up in a disguise,” Angie pulled away before playfully swatting her on the ass.

Laughing, Peggy went to do as she was told, retrieving the false identification for them both from a hidden compartment in her makeup case before taking out her favorite blonde wig, colored contacts, and a loose multi-colored shift dress. As much as the future scared her, she was ready for her earlier daydream to come true. Peggy wanted to do this, but if she made sure her garter holster was tight on her thigh before she left to go to Angie then it was only a precaution against what might happen. Picking up the short, red wig for Angie's identity, she left to go to the other room ready for a night to remember.

It was every bit as wonderful as Peggy had imagined. They entered the place not as themselves but as their other identities, enjoying the company of the other patrons as they danced the night away. Peggy felt free as she leaned against Angie during a slow song, their lips gently gravitating to each other as pairs of men that had heard their slightly altered story cheered them on. It was nice that this finally happened but also sad that the timing was slightly off so that she had to leave so soon. 

The magical night ended with them in Peggy's bedroom yet again, slowly taking off the other’s clothing as the pull of the evening gave them the courage to explore each other's bodies.

As Angie's hands slowly trailed down Peggy's stomach she couldn't help but comment, “you've put on weight. I see my good cooking hasn't gone to waste.”

Biting her lip, Peggy quieted her with a kiss, not wanting to ruin the moment with the truth. It was nice to be in the arms of her love, even if it wasn't for much longer. 

“I'm going to miss this when I'm gone,” she admitted as they lay tangled together in the aftermath of their first time together. Peggy gently detangling soft brown curls with her fingers.

Angie sighed as she snuggled closer. “Me too. But we have a couple more days, I can play hooky so we have more time.”

“You know you won't, this show means too much to you,” Peggy looked down at the woman in her arms. “I won't let you jeopardize your career for me. You've worked too hard to get where you are for that.”

“What if I want to,” Angie asked her softly, “what if I'd rather spend time with you than anything else in the world, in the off chance you don't come back and all I'll ever have are these handful of days with you?”

“Weren't you the one telling me earlier that you know I'll return?”

“Yes,” a hand came up to play with a strand of Peggy's hair, “but it doesn't mean I don't think about the day you won't, if I have to be honest.”

“Well, as much as this mission scares me, I don't think it's going to really be all that dangerous, as long as I take the necessary precautions,” Peggy assured her.

“Well, make sure you do then. I want to grow old with you, Margaret Elizabeth Carter, and if you don't fight your hardest to come back to me I'll never talk to you again.”

“If I don't come back you not talking to me will be the least of my problems.”

Angie lightly slapped her on the shoulder. “You know what I mean.”

Peggy had to laugh despite herself. “I do and I will. If only to continue to be able to hear your dulcet tones, even if you're screaming at me over trivial things.”

“Hope you're used to it because it's only going to get worse from now on.”

Stifling a yawn, Peggy smiled. “I look forward to it.”

“Let's get some sleep then, looks like I wore you out,” Angie teased.

Peggy drifted off, glad to have this woman in her arms and in her life.


	11. Chapter 11

Reluctantly, Angie left Peggy the next day for rehearsals, after making a promise that she would be home as soon as she could so they could have dinner together. It was a good thing she was a good actress because after the two nights she'd spent with the mysterious woman, Angie's suspicions about why Peggy was leaving were all but confirmed.

“Martin! Get your head in the game,” the director shouted at her after she'd messed up her line for the third time.

“Sorry,” Angie apologized, “let's do it again.” 

Forcing herself to concentrate, she got through the scene so she could escape to the back of the house to be alone with her thoughts. Peggy had been acting strangely ever since she'd gotten back from her trip out west, wearing loose fitting clothing and avoiding most anything that involved going out until the impromptu date last night.

Angie wasn't as air-headed as she led most people to believe, it was just easier to play dumb in order to stroke the egos of most casting directors, but it also came in handy now. She'd always known Peggy wasn't as pure as she'd led people to believe - the woman worked in a high stress job where death was almost always looking over her shoulder - so if she'd found comfort in the arms of someone that was her business. It just hurt that the woman that claimed to love her wasn't telling her the truth.

There'd been signs over the last few weeks Angie had noticed. Certain smells made Peggy run for the bathroom, old favorite foods were no longer edible and she'd started wanting weird food combinations when she thought Angie wouldn't notice. The final confirmation of Angie's suspicions came when they had been together the last couple days; Angie had seen the tell tale curve in Peggy's belly, felt the obvious when they were together. It wasn't her good cooking fattening her up like she'd said, her love was pregnant and didn't feel like she could be honest about it.

Sighing, Angie put her head in her hands, she understood that it was really none of her business if Peggy didn't want to tell her. But the thing of it was, Angie would be more than willing to raise a child with her. It might not be the most traditional thing to do, but the child was a piece of Peggy and as such Angie didn't care who the father was; she would do her best to love it as if it were her own given the chance. 

Apparently though, given the way Peggy was acting, she'd never get the chance to tell her that. The spy was set on the path she'd chosen, hiding what was really going on. Angie understood that having a child out of wedlock would paint her with a stigma that would make Peggy's life harder, but if they faced it together then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. 

Angie wanted to tell her that she knew what was going on and that she'd help her face the world if it meant making her happy, but that would mean admitting she knew the secret Peggy was trying so hard to hide. She'd hinted many times that she knew, only to be met with more excuses and distractions. She wanted to say that she knew, everything would be okay between them if Peggy would just come clean about what she was going through, that no matter what Angie wanted to stay with her, would love her and any offspring she had without question. How to tell her without losing her to the stubborn pride Peggy wore like a shield against the hurts the world threw at her was the problem. 

“Miss Martin,” an assistant came up to where she was contemplating her suddenly more complicated life, “wardrobe wants you to double check fittings.”

“Of course,” Angie replied shaking herself out of her thoughts, “I'll be right there.”

It was time to put away the personal problems of Angie Martinelli, here she was Angela Martin, professional actress. As much as she wanted to run home and talk to Peggy, she'd been told to not let herself be distracted by the situation, so as hard as it was that's what she was going to do. Obviously Peggy wasn't ready or willing to admit what was really going on so Angie was going to play along for now, let Peggy keep believing that she was getting away with her lies because it wasn't worth upsetting her with the truth for now. Now was the time to work and get her mind off of things until it was time to go home for the last little bit of time with the woman she loved before she left to have her baby.

It wasn't going to be easy continuing the act of not knowing but Angie was willing to do it for Peggy's sake if nothing else. Maybe someday she'd get the truth from her, but for now her silence was all she could offer in support.


	12. Chapter 12

The rest of the week seemed to fly by, and suddenly Peggy found herself setting her bags by the door the evening before she was to leave. Every spare moment not spent in preparation was with Angie, taking comfort in the simplicity of life with her. The only change in their lives came in the form of more little touches between them as well as the new sleeping arrangement. Knowing each other for so long they were accustomed to the other's habits and didn't have the growing pains that came with most new relationships. It was nice and easy, which was a welcome change from what usually went on when Peggy got involved with someone romantically. She'd never gone for anyone society would approve of, but they made her happy and that's what truly mattered to her.

“Peg, what do you want for dinner?” Angie broke into her thoughts. She'd left a little early from rehearsals to spend their last bit of time together.

“I don't know darling, my stomach's been acting up again.”

Angie looked her up and down critically. “Are you feeling okay? Maybe leaving isn't the best thing if you're feeling sick.”

“Angie, I'm fine really. It's just a little upset stomach, nothing to worry about.”

“Okay then, I'll fix us something light.”

“Actually, do we have any steaks? That sounds good.”

“For someone with an upset stomach that's quite the request,” Angie pointed out putting her hands on her hips, “you sure it's just that?”

“I'm sure but whatever you want to make is fine, they just sounded good is all,” Peggy subconsciously crossed her arms over her stomach as she talked.

Angie closed the distance between them to give her a little kiss to her forehead. “I can run to the butcher real quick. It's our last dinner together, I want it to be special. Would hate for you to be out God knows where without a good home cooked meal thinking I didn't feed you well enough before you left.”

“That's the farthest thing from the truth but alright, go get me a steak like a good little woman,” Peggy teased, leaning into her.

“Oh you'll pay for that later English,” Angie admonished playfully as she gently shoved Peggy off of her so she could get her coat.

“I bet I will,” Peggy smiled as she watched her leave.

They kept up the easy banter when Angie returned. Dinner was served in the candle lit dining room to give a bit of romantic flair, even if there was underlying tension between them from what would come in the morning. They tried their best not to give voice to the elephant in the room - lest they spend the night fighting over something that wasn't going to be resolved - neither of them willing to face the truth before the hardship of separation.

They laid down together for bed, Peggy taking comfort in Angie's arms around her for the last time for the foreseeable future. She didn't want to leave, not only because of what she was leaving behind but what she was leaving to do. It had been so long since she'd considered being a wife and mother that she'd thought all of those longings had left her. Now she was here with someone that loved her, holding her and a new life growing inside, and Peggy felt the old longings start churning inside her. It wouldn't be fair to Angie or Howard and Maria if she changed her mind now about raising the child, not when she knew the other woman was ready for motherhood when Peggy still doubted herself and had no idea how Angie would take the news. It would be better to just stick to the plan, at least she knew the child would be safe and loved in a way she doubted she could give.

Feeling the even breathing of Angie sleeping behind her, Peggy closed her eyes to try to sleep before the long day coming. Tomorrow would be the first of many emotional days to come; she knew it wouldn't be easy leaving but it had to be done. She tried to relax and let sleep take her, but the racing of her thoughts made it hard.  
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The next morning Peggy was exhausted as she prepared to leave; she'd gotten little sleep after everything and just wanted this day to be over with. Angie was fretting about, making sure everything was there and fussing over Peggy.

“Are you sure you have everything? If you don't I'm sure I can figure out a way to send it to you somehow. Sure you don't want me to pack you some snacks for the trip?”

“Angie, everything is there. As soon as Mister Jarvis arrives he's taking me to Howard's private plane; I'm sure if I get hungry there will be food en route. Stop worrying, I'll be fine,” Peggy assured her as she grabbed Angie's hand to make her stop moving about before she could check her luggage for the fifth time.

“I just don't…,” Angie looked at her, unshed tears shining in her eyes.

Peggy pulled her into a hug. “I know darling and I love you for it. I'll be fine and back home before you know it.”

“You're sure? It's usually dangerous when you leave.”

“This is one of the safer missions I could have taken. There's still a chance things can go wrong but it’s doubtful anything will. I promise I will stay safe and come home to you my love.”

The doorbell ringing interrupted their talk. Angie pulled away, wiping her eyes before putting on a brave face to answer it.

“Miss Martinelli,” Jarvis greeted her with a smile.

“Come in, she's ready for you,” Angie nodded at him as she moved out of his way.

“Edwin, my things are here. Give me one more moment to say goodbye,” Peggy pointed to her bags before heading over to where Angie was standing. The butler quietly started carrying out her bags, sensing the women needed privacy.

“Now, this isn't goodbye,” Peggy told her love as she returned to her side, “I'm not leaving for good. I'm coming back as soon as I can. You are going to be amazing in your new performance and we will have a life together. I swear to you.”

“Yeah,” Angie replied quietly, “you know this for a fact?”

“Nobody but you will put up with me,” Peggy joked, “I'm not giving that up for the world.”

Angie laughed despite herself. “I guess that's true.”

“Not sure why you picked me of all people but I never want to lose you.”

“I don't want to lose you either. I just have to trust you on this I suppose if it's not one of the usual missions you do.”

Peggy smiled. “Kiss me before I leave?”

“Do you even have to ask,” Angie pulled her close, giving Peggy a long, deep kiss to last until they could be together again.

“Well,” Peggy breathed when they broke apart after a polite throat clearing from a finished Jarvis, “I guess I'll go.”

“Yeah, guess you should,” Angie reluctantly let go of her so she could walk to the door.

“Miss Carter,” Jarvis grinned at her after the display.

“You take good care of her,” Angie told him following behind them.

“I will do what I can,” he assured her, “you know how she is.”

“Yeah, she needs someone to watch her back.”

“That she does,” Jarvis agreed, “I will do what I can when I'm with her Miss Martinelli.”

“Thank you.”

Angie stood in the doorway, watching as they went to the car. She wanted to believe that it would be as easy as Peggy thought it would be, but she had a feeling this was the beginning of something more.


	13. Chapter 13

Jarvis helped Peggy into the car before driving away. He saw her face in the mirror, and the sadness evident across it, so he attempted to cheer her up.

“So, I'm going to venture a guess and say that Miss Martinelli is the cause of your recent happiness,” he ventured after the display he'd just witnessed.

Peggy blushed. “I wasn't planning on announcing it to too many people. Not sure how most would react. Is it that obvious?”

“Well, aside from that touching farewell, you have been positively glowing the past few times I've seen you and it's not just from your pregnancy. Something changed and I'm glad you've found someone that makes you happy. It makes all the difference in the world to have that. I don't know what I'd do without my Ana as you well know; you're lucky to have her.”

“I know, as soon as I'm done with this I'm coming right back to her. She's everything to me, I hate having to do this but it's too late to turn back now.”

“It's never too late,” he gently told her, “ this is entirely your choice regarding what you do.”

Sighing, her thoughts went back to last night. “It's what I have to do. I can't raise a child. It'd be better off with two parents that are able to provide what I can't, a stable loving home without the fear of whether I'm going to come back or not. Besides it wouldn't be fair to Angie to ask her to raise a child in that environment.”

“You didn't ask, did you?”

“No, but the decision is mine and I've made it. I'm going through with this because it's what's best for everyone.”

“Even you?”

Peggy bit her lip. “I can't think of myself in this. If I do that than everyone else suffers needlessly because of my selfishness.”

“You're allowed to be selfish, this is your child too,” Jarvis reminded her as they pulled up to the airfield.

“Yes but I want to give them the best life I can. That's not with me and I refuse to do as Howard asked and be with him to make it work.”

“As you wish. There are other ways I suppose if you wanted to be a part of their lives.”

“Yes, I suppose there are,” she agreed, “better go get this over with.”

After loading everything on the plane, Peggy settled in for the flight and she found herself drifting off shortly after takeoff, dreaming of a dark haired child laughing in her arms as they played in a sunlit meadow. She was happy as they ran around chasing each other without a care in the world. Peggy fell down laughing, the child coming over to lie in her arms as she kissed the dark curls.

“Miss Carter,” Jarvis's voice woke her up from her dream, “we've arrived.”

Groaning, Peggy slowly stretched cramped muscles, the image of the child still in her mind. She followed Jarvis out to see Howard and Maria waiting for her on the tarmac.

“Peggy,” Maria greeted her happily, “I hope your trip was okay. It didn't disagree with you did it? Are you feeling well? You look a little off.”

“Just a bit of jetlag,” Peggy assured her, noticing Howard's silence. “Nothing a but of rest won't cure.”

“Well then let's get you home and settled in then. I can't wait to get to know you and see my baby growing!” Maria took her by the arm, leading Peggy to a waiting car.

“You know Maria you won't be there all the time. We've got it planned for you to be in New York for the birth of our kid,” Howard finally spoke up.

“But I'll be here when they're born,” Maria argued as they got in. “We can always fix it to fit in your little ruse.”

“We'll see if we can work it out,” he told her as the last of the bags were loaded and Jarvis drove them to the mansion. 

There was a tension in the air, most of it coming from Howard. Maria tried to make polite conversation but Peggy wasn't feeling up to it, although she was curious at why Howard seemed to be so aloof now that he had her here. It was a relief when they finally arrived and she could escape to her room for a while. She debated calling Angie, but considering it had only been eight hours since she'd left Peggy figured it would be better to wait just to keep her whereabouts more of an unknown. She was going to call eventually because she'd be damned if she went five months without talking to her, but didn't want to call too soon.

A gentle knock came on the door. “Miss Carter,” Ana Jarvis's voice called, “I've come to see if you need any help unpacking.”

Peggy opened the door, accepting the hug from the other woman before she entered, having given up long ago trying to talk Ana out of being a hugger with her.

“You look healthy,” Ana told her as she started bustling about the room, “you just sit down and rest. I'll take care of this for you.”

“Ana, you know you don't have to,” Peggy protested as she sat down in a chair. “I really can take care of it myself later.”

“But you must be tired from your journey, just let me help you.”

“Thank you.”

Peggy watched as Ana quickly and efficiently put her things away, throwing glances her way from time to time.

“Is there anything you want to talk about?” Peggy asked after a while as the looks coming her way kept happening.

Sighing, Ana came to sit next to her. “What's it like to carry a life inside you?”

“You really want to know?”

“I do.”

“I've never been more uncomfortable in my life. I haven't been able to eat my usual favorite foods and crave the strangest things. I'm sore in places I didn't know could hurt and it's just going to get worse I know, my body's changing in ways that I never expected. But the worst part for me is having to leave someone I love because of this. They're waiting for me but still…”

“I'll never know,” Ana confessed. “I love Mister Jarvis, wanted a family with him but I don't regret how helping you caused me to lose the ability to have children. I can't imagine going through something like this without him by my side and how lonely it must feel. I'm jealous you can have this but I don't envy you not having your love by your side as you do, even if they aren't the father. You're a strong woman, Peggy Carter.”

Peggy looked at her. “You're jealous?”

“I am, was angry too. You were given this gift and considered throwing it all away, when that choice was taken from me. I would give anything to have the chance you were given, but it's not meant to be.”

Peggy put her arms around her, shifting from a sudden discomfort in her stomach. “Oh Ana, I'm so sorry.”

“Mister Jarvis said that the Starks might let me be nanny to the little one. Do you think that's true?”

“I could think of no one better who could care for a child in this crazy life of ours. You're a good woman Ana, I'd be happy if you were to care for the child. I'll put in a good word with Howard and Maria, see what I can do to help.”

“Thank you Miss Carter. It would mean the world to me.”

“Of course. You'd be a great mother, better than I could at least. I'm glad I can rest assured my child is in good hands when they can't be with their parents.”

Ana looked at her strangely, this was the first time she'd heard Peggy refer to the child as her's.

“Well, I'll leave you to your rest then. There'll be plenty of time for us to chat later.”

As Ana got up to leave, Peggy felt movement in her again. Placing her hand over the curve of her belly, Peggy quietly whispered “hello little one, mummy's here.”

Smiling at the tender exchange, Ana left feeling better about Peggy's mindset on the upcoming birth but sad that she was still going through with giving the child up. It was going to be hard, but Ana made a vow to herself as she walked away that Peggy wouldn't be alone, she would do whatever she could to make the difficult time easier for her.


	14. Chapter 14

Maria was getting on Peggy's last nerve before she started to divide her time between being seen in her pregnancy costume in New York and checking on Peggy in L.A.. Since the first time Peggy had let her and Howard feel the baby kick, it seemed that any time they were around there would be a hand on her wanting to feel the movement again. It was bad enough it seemed the child took pleasure in constantly pressing against her bladder, but to always have someone touching her made her want to show she could still punch despite her now larger size.

The few days Howard came to visit were always unbearable. He'd told Peggy that the doctors he had lined up for her would be coming to the house for her checkups and he'd turned a couple rooms into a delivery room so she wouldn't have to leave when the time came. He also dictated that she wasn't to leave the grounds under any circumstances, lest their little lie be exposed. Howard dictated what foods she could have and hired people to help her stay somewhat in shape, as well as made her learn a new revolutionary breathing technique to use during the birth. Peggy bristled under the demands but said nothing as he never stayed long enough to know what went on on his absence.

What Howard didn't know was that Ana, who stayed with her in the house as her husband traveled between coasts, would allow her to put on disguises to go out for a little fun from time to time. Peggy looked forward to their little outings. They would take little shopping trips or go out for a meal, never anything too strenuous as Peggy seemed to tire easily as time went on.

Some evenings Peggy would call Angie, lying about where she was and what she was doing. She heard all about the success of the show and how Angie now got recognized by fans from time to time when she went out. Peggy was happy for her but missed Angie terribly. On the long nights she lie awake unable to get comfortable, Peggy hated how she was alone in an empty bed without her. She wanted the comfort of Angie’s arms around her but wouldn't dare ask Angie to come, especially not when she was becoming more well known.

As the due date loomed closer, Peggy stopped at a stationary store during one of her and Ana's outings. She'd seen a display of paper that caught her eye and an idea formed in her head. If she couldn't tell her child that they were loved and wanted by her than she'd write them letters. Even if they never saw them, Peggy would feel better putting her feelings down on paper. She picked out a few pretty designs to start with and went home to start on her project.

Taking her package to her room, Peggy immediately took out a piece of paper and a pen looking forward to putting her thoughts down.

“I may not be able to be a part of your life,” she said looking down at her swollen belly, “but if you ever get to read this I hope you know how much I love you. It wasn't an easy road to come to this point, but you've changed my life my darling. I want you to know the truth someday.”

Putting pen to paper, she started to write:

My dearest child,

I haven't met you yet, but the moment I first felt you move inside me I realised that even though I cannot keep you I wanted to keep a record of my love towards you, in the event I might one day be able to come forward with the truth about being your biological mother.

I know it might be hard to understand why I'd give you up to be raised by your father and his wife. At first, I shamefully have to admit, it was because I never wanted to be a mother and getting pregnant with you was an accident. I went through it as a favor to your father and mother because it was the only way for him to have an heir. But now I realise as I feel your kicks against my belly, that as much of a legacy as I will have, you're going to be one of the greatest I leave on this earth.

My darling child, I want nothing more than love, health, happiness, and safety for you in life. Money can help achieve much, but without good people that you can trust with your life it means nothing. You are lucky to have the Jarvis family with you; I know my dearest friends will support you whenever you need them. Mr. Jarvis especially has been a rock in the storm for me, I have a feeling he will continue that for you because you are mine. His wife has been a dear friend to me, if everything goes to plan she'll be your nanny and caretaker. Ana is a wonderful woman and will love you like her own I'm sure. I hope you're good for her.

Never throw away anyone that loves you; you may fight and disagree but in the end there's no one else who will fight harder for you than your friends. You never know when you might need them - or they you - but always try to do your best for one another because sometimes they're all that stands between you and something worse.

I'll leave you here for now my love. I hope you understand why I did what I thought would be the best for you. I will always love you even if I am far away.

Your mother always,  
Peggy Carter

She put the letter in an envelope, hiding it in the lining of her luggage. Peggy knew if Howard found out what she was doing, he wouldn't be happy. As far as he was concerned after she gave birth she'd be relegated to nothing more than a family friend, which was what she'd wanted in the beginning. Now though, Peggy wanted to be able to see her child as they grew up; she wanted to be part of their lives in any way she could, if she couldn't be their mother. Peggy knew someway, somehow, she'd figure out a way.


	15. Chapter 15

“I want to be in the room when the baby's born,” Howard announced at breakfast during a visit a few days before Peggy's due date. “The doctor said it would be good for you to have someone with you and as the father I think I'd make the best choice.”

Peggy shot him a death glare. “You think you're the best choice? You knocked me up, told Phillips about our relationship, hid me away while you got to live your life, banned me from leaving the house, took me away from someone I care about and have generally treated me as nothing more than an incubator for your offspring. Why on earth would I want you there for the birth? I'd rather have Maria if the choice is only between the parents. Ana has been here supporting me through most of this, so if anyone has the right to be with me then it's her.”

Maria looked up at the exchange, Howard had let her come in secret so she could see the child after it was born and as such was as much a prisoner in the house as Peggy. “You really would let me be there?”

Smiling, Peggy nodded. “If I can only have one person with me, I would rather it be just the mothers. At least you would be able to tell the truth of being present at the birth. Your child may not be coming from your body but I can tell you're looking forward to holding them as much as I am.”

“I would like that, thank you.”

“You'd really do that to me,” Howard demanded, “keep me from my child's birth just because I tried to protect you like you asked me to? Come on Pegs, be fair. Besides, it's my house; I bet I could talk him into letting both of us be there.”

“I would prefer Ana and Maria there,” Peggy stood her ground. “You're more than welcome to come in after but I'd be more comfortable with just them.”

“Not like I haven't seen everything anyways,” Howard muttered.

“Howard,” Maria exclaimed in shock. It wasn't as if she didn't know considering the situation they were in but to hear him so casually say something like that was upsetting.

“Look, this is why I don't want you in the room. Lately you can't seem to control your mouth, so why would I want someone like that, someone that might have an outburst, while I'm going through all this? I've agreed to try your new more natural way even though it sounds dreadful compared to the old way. I've done everything you've asked without complaint. If you could act like a decent human being for a while I might consider having you in there, but if your behavior continues then you're out,” Peggy winced as she finished telling Howard off. 

She'd been having pains for a while - the doctor assured her it was just her body getting ready for the big day - but these had been going on regularly for the past half hour. Peggy shifted to see if that would help, but that only brought a wet feeling between her legs.

“Are you okay,” Maria asked, seeing the look on her face.

“I think my water just broke,” she admitted turning red from embarrassment. 

Howard was on his feet in a second, coming over to her side. “We need to call the doctor, get you ready. Jarvis!!!”

Peggy felt herself being swept up as the small group gathered around her, bustling about in preparation. Ana was by her side, rubbing her back as she helped her walk towards the designated delivery room. Maria followed trying to help as much as she could while Edwin phoned the doctor, Howard barking orders at him before grabbing the phone himself.

“It'll all be over with before you know it,” Ana assured Peggy as she helped her undress. “You're here amongst friends. We'll make sure you're well taken care of.”

They had temporarily taken over the waiting room portion of the suite of rooms Howard had designated for the delivery, Peggy whining as another contraction hit her. Ana quickly took care of the soiled clothing before coming to sit next to her.

“Is there anything you need,” Ana asked Peggy as she held her hand through another round of pain.

“I want Angie,” Peggy confessed as tears started to fall. “I want her here. I should have told her about the baby, I feel so lost without her.”

“Okay,” the other woman said. “We can call her and see what we can do, okay? Calm down now, let me try to call.”

“She might be at the theater,” Peggy told her as she tried to catch her breath.

“It's still early, let me try the house first,” Ana went over to the phone to make the call. “Hello, Angie? Yes, it's Ana Jarvis. Peggy's hit a bit of a rough spot and would like to talk to you,” she walked the phone over to Peggy, “here she is.”

“Angie?” Peggy's voice was small as she took the handset.

“Hey Peg, what's wrong?” Concern was evident in Angie's voice.

“Ange, I'm so sorry I lied to you. I'm having a baby and want you here. Please say you'll come, I need you please!” Peggy's voice got higher, pain shooting through her as she spoke.

“So you finally come clean. I figured it out a while ago you know.”

“So you'll come?”

“Let me call the theater and let them know I have to take a sudden leave of absence for a family emergency; my understudy can manage for a while. Just need to make travel arrangements to wherever you are.”

A knock came at the door before Edwin popped his head in. “The doctor's here.”

Ana went over to her husband. “You need to call the New York airfield as soon as possible, see if there's a pilot available to get Miss Martinelli. She's coming out for a visit at Miss Carter's request.”

“Now?”

“You're going to deny her having her love here at this time Mister Jarvis? Would anything have kept you away if I were in her position?”

Edwin looked at his wife as she gave him a stern look. “You’re right Misses Jarvis, I'll make the arrangements right away. But she needs to come over to the delivery room.”

“I'll get her moving, you go start on that.”

“Yes dear,” he smiled at his wife as he headed away to do as he was told.

Ana got Peggy off the phone, letting Angie know that her flight to L.A. was taken care of and they'd see her in a few hours; she then helped Peggy into the other room where everyone else was waiting. Ana stayed by her side as the doctor checked Peggy over and explained what he was going to do. Peggy was nervous and still a bit agitated but said she understood.

Maria settled on her other side as they waited for Peggy to dilated fully. “Do you have any thoughts on names?”

“You want me to think about that now,” Peggy looked at Maria like she was crazy.

“We have a little time and it might distract you for a bit,” Maria suggested.

“It's your child, why would you want my input? I'd have thought you'd already picked them out.”

“I like Anthony for a boy; it's one of Howard's middle names so he'll sort of have his namesake, and with your permission I'd like to use Margret if it's a girl. You deserve a true namesake for what you're giving us. I think you should have the honor of giving the child their middle name.”

“Let me think about it when I'm not preparing to push a human out of me,” Peggy replied, touched that Maria would give this gift to her.

Howard was hovering around the medical team as they continued to check on Peggy, making a general nuisance of himself as he double checked that the equipment was functioning properly. After he questioned a nurse for the umpteenth time about some minor thing he was sent to sit next to Maria.

“Alright Miss Carter, you're all ready to go,” the doctor finally announced. “When you feel the urge, I want you to remember your breathing and push.”

Ana held one hand and Maria the other as Peggy felt another painful spasm. She forced herself to follow Ana, who had started to do the breathing beside her, as she pushed as hard as she could until told to stop.

“Good girl,” a nurse praised her, “if you can keep that up you'll be holding your baby in no time.”

Falling back onto the bed, Peggy was scared she couldn't do this - she couldn't be bringing another life into this world - but nodded anyway. Everything below her waist was hurting, felt as if it was on fire, as she continued pushing her baby out. Howard was being unusually helpful, wiping away the sweat on her brow and making sure she had water during her rests; only words of encouragement coming from him as she labored on hour after hour, colorful curses of her own aimed at him for putting her in the situation.

“That a girl Pegs,” Howard praised as she pushed yet again, “you're almost there.”

“There's the head, not much longer,” the doctor added, as Peggy slumped back against Ana.

“I can't,” she panted, “I can't do this. Make it stop.”

“You're doing so good Miss Carter,” Ana told her. “You fought a war, you can finish this because I know you want to meet the wee one you've had inside you. Just hold on a little more, you're strong enough. You can do this.”

Peggy felt exhausted, even with the serious wounds she'd had over the years she couldn't remember ever being in this much pain, but she dug deep within herself as the doctor told her to push. She put every ounce of her willpower into it and the next, until suddenly the unbearable pressure was gone and a wailing sound reached her ears.

“It's a boy,” the doctor announced as the nurses took the baby.

“A son,” Howard exclaimed before kissing Peggy on the forehead, “you gave me a son!”

“Congratulations Miss Carter, you've done it,” Ana smiled at her. “You've survived.”

“We have a boy,” Maria pushed damp strands of Peggy's hair off her face, “a boy, Peggy.”

One of the nurses carried a tiny blanketed bundle over to the happy group. “Who wants to be the first to hold him?”

Peggy started to reach out for him but Maria took him from the nurse before she could. She and Howard leaned over the new baby, cooing as they counted toes and fingers, not hearing the small wounded whine that came from Peggy at being denied this small thing after everything.

“He's so precious, look at that fuzz he's going to have such beautiful hair,” Maria exclaimed.

“Do you need to rest,” Ana asked as she saw the sadness on Peggy's face at not being able to hold her son.

“I'll have Jarvis bring the pump around in a bit,” Howard told the woman. “You're going to give him your milk right? I read somewhere it's supposed to help.”

Ana saw the helpless look on Peggy's face as she listened to the Starks talking like the woman that had just had the baby ceased to exist now that they held him. “Leave Miss Carter to her rest if you're not going to let her hold her child,” she snapped at the couple, angry that they were treating Peggy so poorly.

Howard glared at the woman. “Remember your place, Misses Jarvis.”

“My place right now is at my friend's side. She cannot leave right now so you should.”

Leading Maria - who was still holding the child - out of the room, Howard muttered threats under his breath.

As soon as they were gone, Peggy looked up at her friend. “I know this is what I wanted,” she held back tears, “but I never thought it would hurt this much.”

Ana held Peggy as she cried. “I'll make sure you can see your baby while you're here.”

She stayed while Peggy fumbled to use the breast pump, not wanting to deny her child the food it needed, but vowed she'd make sure the woman got to love her child like she deserved.


	16. Chapter 16

Peggy woke from her post ordeal sleep to the sound of a familiar voice humming at her bedside and a hand stroking her hair.

“Angie,” she asked groggily, not sure if she was dreaming or not.

“Hey English,” the other woman greeted her softly. “Sounds like you had quite the mission here.”

“I'm sorry I lied to you. I didn't know what else to do. This was my mistake, I didn't want to drag you into it and risk losing you,” Peggy leaned into the gentle petting she was still receiving. She wasn't sure why Angie was being so sweet to her after everything she'd done.

“Honey, I understand. You're not the first girl that I know that's gone through this. I figured it out a while ago and was just waiting for you to tell me the truth. I would do anything for you, if you had wanted to keep him I would've loved him as my own.”

“I haven't even gotten to hold him,” Peggy admitted, taking Angie's hand. “They took him from me as soon as he was born.”

“Let me take care of it,” Angie told her. “Between the Jarvises and I we'll make sure you get time with him. After the way you've been treated it's the least they can do. Ana told me what went on while you've been here, I'm not happy.”

“My protector,” Peggy murmured lifting her hand to kiss it.

“Damn straight I am. You protect the world, I protect you. It's only fair.”

“Hold me?”

Angie smiled. “I think I can manage that,” she carefully climbed into bed with Peggy.

It was Peggy’s turn to smile; the arms Peggy longed for were finally around her. She drifted off again, somewhat happy for the first time in months now that she had her love by her side.

The next time Peggy woke she was alone. She briefly wondered if she'd dreamed Angie being there earlier but her worries were proven unfounded as the door opened slowly, revealing the woman and Maria. Maria carried a little red wrapped bundle in her arms.

“Sorry about taking him,” Maria apologized as she approached Peggy, “I was just so excited he was here that it slipped my mind you'd want to spend time with him too.”

Angie helped Peggy sit up before slipping onto the bed beside her - arm around her shoulders - as Maria gently put the baby into Peggy's arms.

“He's beautiful,” Angie said watching as a tiny hand gripped Peggy's finger.

“I meant what I said earlier,” Maria spoke up. “His name's Anthony. What would you like his middle name to be? That honor is yours.”

Peggy thought for a bit as she held the tiny Anthony in her arms, watching Angie making faces at him. She would love to give him the name Edwin, because the man had helped so much over the years and she'd taken the chance for him to have a child of his blood to carry his name, but how would you explain that to a child who would only know him as a butler. An idea came to her, if she couldn't name him Edwin, she'd name him after the former king she'd met during the war. It was close to the other name and easier to explain.

“Edward, his name is Anthony Edward Stark,” Peggy announced as he pulled on her hair.

“I think he likes it,” Angie chuckled as she saved Peggy's locks from the tiny hand.

“Anthony Edward,” Maira said slowly, “it's a good strong name.”

“I hope he's as strong as his mothers,” Angie said as she looked at the other two women.

“I'll do my best to raise him right,” Maria promised.

“We'll get to see him,” Peggy questioned, “be around for holidays and things like that?”

“Of course, you're still a close family friend. I'll make sure it happens when you can make it.”

“Thank you,” Peggy replied as she cuddled closer with her little unusual family.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

They spent a week together in the L.A. house. Angie's personality impressed Howard so much he offered to make her a star in one of his production company's upcoming movies, which she happily accepted for after her theater obligations.

As soon as the doctor said Anthony could travel, everyone packed up for New York for his public birth announcements. Howard had arranged for the birth certificate to say his son was born in the city to him and Maria so there would be no question about his birth. No official record existed with Peggy attached to the birth, outside of one unofficial birth certificate a nurse brought to her, which she'd hidden with the letters for later.

Angie and Peggy returned to their townhouse, to their mostly quiet existence together. The nature of their jobs kept life interesting, but they were happy together. Whenever they could they'd go visit the Starks to spend time with the boy now called Tony. They'd take him out to play at the park, to see a picture, Peggy especially making sure to make him feel special and loved

It broke Peggy's heart when she found out how Howard treated their brilliant son. Ana told her all about the times she or Edwin had found him bruised and crying from Howard's temper. When confronted about it, all he would say was the boy had too much Carter in him.

She was there when Tony graduated so young from school, when he received another achievement, for every important event in his life whether he knew it or not. Peggy loved her son and continued writing letters to him, so that maybe one day he would know she was always there. Even though Tony never knew her as more than one half of his crazy aunts that lived together, his mother was watching and would always care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank
> 
>  
> 
> [moderapoppins](http://moderapoppins.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> for being a lovely beta and helping make this story the best it could be,
> 
>  
> 
> [gil-estel](http://gil-estel.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> for her lovely artwork, and
> 
>  
> 
> [crystallized-iron](http://crystallized-iron.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> for listening to me whine incessantly about misbehaving characters. I couldn't have done it without you guys!


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